Angie The Strange

Scamming Craigslist Scammers.

2011-08-04T20:12:00.001-07:00

SERIOUSLY!! I can't believe that people still fall for scamming over the internet. I recently e-mailed an ad on craigslist regarding some tickets and the guy emailed me back that he was in Sask. and couldn't make it but that he would accept a Western Union payment and then Fed Ex me the tickets the next day. This sent up a red flag so I googled his "name" and there were SOOO many people on forums saying "DAMN!! i sent this guy my money and never got the tickets!!"

Well, no shit!! never send your money to ANYONE Western Union, EVER!! Anyways, knowing he was a scammer I decided to waste as much of his time as possible... and here is how it went:

Me:
Hey, Do you still have the tickets? What offers have you gotten, so I can bet them? I'd like to buy two of them!

Adam:
My name is Adam. I still have tickets. I would like to offer the following payment options to you for these tickets because I am not in the city. Me and my Wife & Daughters are unable to make it due to our schedules.

www.westernunion.com just click on locate agent and go Directly into an outlet like a moneymart ect... or

http://www.moneygram.com these are often located in Post Offices or you can click on there site to find something close to you. These would be the best payment options that I can ask for, I cant accept PayPal because its been an issue with my credit union for payments.

my info is below you will need that
Adam Mason
346 Main Street
Estevan, Saskatchewan
S5V 3L5 Canada

I will be using FedEx overnight express to send you the tickets, there is no extra charge for this I will also send you a valid tracking confirmation once you have sent the payment to me, I guarantee you will get these tickets within 24-48 hours of payment because I use the express service for FedEx from my company. I hate scalpers so this is why I have made payment as stated above like this. I hope this is not an issue, If you need any more info please contact me asap.

Thanks Adam

--------------
Me: Hi! Sounds great I'll give you $150 each and I'll get all 4. Can you send me a photo of you with the tix so I know you have them?

Adam:
Hello,

So you know I have the tickets here is all the info on the tickets.

102312901278
378291128310
809182727102
901827262181

are the barcodes on tickets. The outlet code printed on the tickets is OCD143A which is printed on the lower left side of the ticket above the date stamp.

These are hardcopy tickets, NOT the E tickets, My tickets were printed at the outlet.

So now as for payment locate a Western Union outlet, and take my info

Name : Adam Mason
City : Prince Albert
Province : SK
Country : Canada

and once the funds are sent please email me your shipping info and the MTCN code as well. That will be on you bill.

Thanks
Adam

**The pic he sent me, full size, is the one at the top of this post. Obviously, you can't read anything on the tickets.**
--------------------

Me:

Hey,
That picture was a bit small, can I actually see you holding the tickets? I just wanna make sure of the seats. My friends have bought tickets before and people have lied about the seats. So I just wanna make sure, I hope that's not an issue.

There is a Western Union that is 24 hours close to my house, so I should be able to get the money out tonight or tomorrow, once I get the picture of the tickets.

Cheers!
-Angie

Adam:
Hey Angie,

Well best I can do, if you cant accept that, i have other people who will buy. sorry no ones gonna lie about Kevin Smith tickets.. silly if you ask me.

If you want them great, if you dont have the trust please pass and let a real fan who will use them

Thanks
Adam

**he's trying to GUILT me into his scam, but suggesting that we should have some kind of trust because were both Kevin Smith fans. Which is bullshit because he said he was going to take his daughters to see Kevin Smith?! Kevin Smith shows are majorly X rated. He isn't even GOOD at scamming ... nevertheless, I still want to waste his time**

-------------

Me:
Hey ...
I just wanted to make sure, seeing as we aren't meeting in person. I'm sure you understand, but if you can't that's fine. I just wanted to cover my ass or my boyfriend will be pissed!

I'll get back to you once the $600 is sent.
-a

Adam:
Ok cool, please go ahead with that.

You will get tickets next day fedex, and i promise to send fedex info asap as well

Thanks
Adam

**sure you will adam, SURE you will ... now I wait overnight and he gets a little anxious**

Adam:
Where you able to get that done as of Yet?

Thanks
Adam

Me:
Hello,
So ... I had a little trouble because they said they couldn't locate your address but eventually I convinced them to send it anyways. The girl working there was new so maybe she didn't know what she was doing?

MTCN: 6011278400 **fake code**

Sent in my boyfriend's name:
Will Taite
1339 Fraser St. #113
Vancouver, BC V5T 1N8

Lemme know if you have any problems.
-a
-----------

Adam:
Ok great, I will send you full fedex info first thing in the morning.

Thanks, Enjoy show

Adam

The Next day:
Hello

Fake western union code, does not work! Western union website, and outlet both confirmed it.

Please check and see what correct code is.

Thanks
Adam

Me:Okay ... sometimes when I type on my iPhone things get messed up. Lemme try again...

6021278409

That is definitely it! The chick there was really dopey, so if it doesn't work I'll see if i can cancel it and send it moneygram? My boyfriend will cry if I don't get these tix.
-a
------------
** Then he sends me this lovely message:**

Adam:
TAKE YOUR FAKE CODES AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS

Me (after searching he location of his IP address):

You're angry with me!?! You're the one trying to scam people, and you're not very good at it you scumbag! Get a real fucking job you loser. I'm sure your parents and family are really fucking proud.

Don't worry ... your IP address tells me just where are are. Redmond eh? Nice, my friends at the fraud protection department and quite interested in this, 164th street looks really nice! They've had red flags up for you for a while. Have fun a jail asshole.

-Angie (or is it?)
-------------------

.... and that is how I spend my time. I suggest messing with any scammer you find, their time wasted is less time they have to steal innocent people's money.

Casey Anthony

2011-07-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

Working overnights allowed me to do something I wouldn't otherwise have been able to do. Watch the Casey Anthony trial live! Since I work until 8am, and the trial was happening in Florida the trial would usually start airing around 6 am, and since I would never get up that early and I don't have cable I watched it every day.

I quickly became very intrigued as I don't believe in killing children, but I also don't believe in the death penalty. So I became very taken by my own internal moral struggle. On one hand I'm on the defense's side because killing Casey Anthony is not going to fix or prove anything, it will only leave her parents with no granddaughter and no daughter, but then what if she actually did do it? Honestly I was relieved that she wasn't guilty and surprised that she wasn't found guilty of manslaughter, but I understand why. Then I struggled with that, "why am I relieved that a possible baby killer is free? what is wrong with me?" then I just understood being compassionate doesn't necessarily mean that you are compassionate only for specific types of people. Is it really being compassionate once you start picking and choosing?

The Casey Anthony trial really opened up the disgusting and savage side of people. There were literally physical fights breaking out over who gets to sit in the court room, many counts of obstruction of justice from people yelling during jury selection to flipping off lawyers. Countless death threats, to her family, her lawyers, their families, the jury and their families. A plane flew over the jail with a marquee that said "Canada has decided: GUILTY BITCH!"
This is so sickening.

I follow a group on facebook called 'Casey Anthony Trial Updates' and it really disgusts me to see the absolute idiocy of people because they do not understand the justice system and the sick threats they are posting are frightening. One event they have planned is "Candles of Caylee" the group talks about how everyone in different states is going to "remember" Caylee.

... Remember Caylee? Remember Caylee? These people didn't know who Caylee was until she was dead! They aren't remembering all the thousands of other children who have been murdered since Caylee. Remembering her is the wrong terminology and the attachment they have is a little unhealthy. They bounce between "Cindy Anthony (Caylee's grandmother) is a lying, gutless wrench and she will get what she deserves when her time comes, death is waiting for her!!!" then "I'm going to bring purple candles to Caylee's 3 year memorial because it was her favorite color, I read that in my newspaper." I understand that people felt connection to this case, as I have, but there is something different and bizarre about this.

The night Casey Anthony was getting released from jail, thousands of "protestors" gathered outside the jail to yell and scream that she was a murderer. The news interviewed many of them who talked about justice for Caylee and all the rest of it ... and you know what I saw? Thousands of people behind barricades with cameras, camera phones, and video cameras. Not journalists, just regular people "protesting" apparently. When she came out, sure enough everyone yelled and screamed, and scrambled to take pictures.

They are taking photos of someone who they think is a child murderer? They are taking photos of someone they are protesting ... I don't know about you but I never take pictures of things I hate or that I am protesting. These people are treating Casey Anthony like a celebrity and justifying it by saying they are "protesting" her. However, as soon as she was gone everyone went home. Their protest was over? How effective. I can see it now:

"Where were you?"
"Protesting Casey Anthony! I'm so mad she was found not guilty! I yelled at her that she was murderer ... "
"Oh wow."
"yeah ... Oh, and look at this picture I took of her."
"Oh, good shot!"
"Yeah I know right!? 12 megapixels. I was pretty close ... got there at noon."
"So you waited 12 hours."
"Yeah! We really needed her to know that we hate baby killing. Oh and look at this shot I got of her, I think she's smiling, what a bitch!"

It's very strange. It reminds me of guys that are "straight" but are always coming up with reasons to show their friends their dick or are constantly looking up gay porn saying that it's gross. These middle aged women are obsessed with Casey Anthony and they like that she's pretty and white and the drama that is associated with her and they make it okay in their mind by saying they are "protesting" her rather than admitting to themselves that, maybe, they feel some compassion or something towards her.

... and really, baby murderers don't need to be protested! I don't think Casey Anthony was like "WHAT!?!! I thought that baby killing was a cool thing this year, like iPads and sweaters. I thought Pro-Death was a new opposition to pro-life and pro-choice."

She knew whatever she did was wrong and she is obviously mentally unwell. No mentally well person harms their child, lies about it and parties. It's sad that she didn't have the right structures or opportunities in place to keep her from making some terrible choices ... whatever they were. Compassion beats hate, always. Hate is a waste of time, and it's ugly.

Don't fear for your kid.

2011-05-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

The biggest excuse I have heard parents tell their kids about why they react disapprovingly to the questioning sexuality of their child is "I fear for my child's life, I don't want them to have a hard life." This reasoning quite literally enrages me as it masks hatred and ignorance behind the parents "looking out" of the welfare of their child.

It's funny how these parents have such a strong reaction to being gay but not other lifestyle choices that might endanger them, like say if their child bought a motorcycle, joined ballet or joined the football team. Would the parents tell them that motorcycles/ballet/football is wrong, disgusting or unnatural because they are worried about the number of concussions they will receive, their idea of body image or getting their feelings hurt from all the smacktalk used on the field? No, they would probably just invest in really good protective gear.

I really doubt that anyone who reads this blog is against being gay, but something about this argument has been plaguing me, and I need to get it out.

If your kid thinks they might be gay or is even simply experimenting with their sexuality get them some really good protective gear.

Instill within them that they are loved, no matter what and they are perfect. So that when they get harrassed or gay-bashed they will have the self-esteem to say to the person "No! You're the idiot!" and let the words run of their backs not internalizing it as so many gay youth do.

Let them know that you are supportive and open to their life and friends, so that when they might be trouble or scared they will come to you and ask questions and you can learn together. This will keep them safe and it will keep you up to date with what issues your child is facing regularly. There is nothing more unsafe and sad than a child who is forced to keep secrets and find their way in the world alone.

Connect them with supportive peers. Peer relationships are the most important thing to teenagers and for a period of time trump the parent-child relationship. So, connect your possibly gay child with a supportive network of peers who will stick up for each other when it is needed. This is important because homophobia can also come from peers even if they are your child's best friend. These relationships will last a lifetime ... and if your kid doesn't turn out to be gay then they will be strong ally and role model for the next generation as they will have a stronger understanding of what their friends went through.

Teach your child to think critically. Homophobia isn't always blatant, it can be subtle and sneaky. Teach your child to break down arguments, debate and the wonderful world of reason. This will allow them to have a defense against any potential second hand shame they may feel from things like 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' or "That's So Gay" ... because they will be able to recognize them for that they are - homophobia.

You are NOT protecting your child from a harsh life if these aren't the first things you start to, or continue to, teach them if they are questioning their sexuality. All you're doing if you're saying things like...

"It's a phase..."
"It's a cry for attention..."
"How would you know? Have you even been with a girl?"
"You're too young to know that..."
"You watch too much Glee!"
"I just worry for you, OMG!! YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO BE SOOOOO TERRIBLE!!! ....Wahhhh!!"

is perpetuating the cycle of gay being wrong, shameful and something to avoid. You are telling your child you are ashamed of them, they are wrong and something to avoid. What life lesson is there in that attitude? none.

You aren't taking care of your child, so don't hide your homophobia by claiming to be worried about them. If you were genuinely worried you would prepare them so they would have the tools to bypass this "harsh" life that straight parents always seem to think gay people are destined to have. I have news for you, it doesn't have to be that way! Make that choice for your child! Think "Hey! If my kid is gay then I'm going to make sure they are the happiest, most well-adjusted, self assured gay kid in the entire world. No one is going to make my child's life any harder than it has to be. That is how I am going to protect my child."

.... THAT is the protective gear kids need. If you are unwilling to do that for your child then you need to take a long hard look at yourself and ask "... Am I parenting my child, or am I punishing them?"

**Note: You can also replace "gay" with "transgendered" and "homophobia" with "transphobia" and my argument will be the same, I don't want to exclude that population**

Rapture!! FINALLY!!

2011-05-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

Are you guys ready for the rapture!? I know I am!! I just went shopping with Jackie and we got tons of food from Costco. I also did some laundry and watched a movie. I am prepared!!

Here is something I don't understand. It is somewhat of a double standard if you will. Terrorists are terrorists because they incite fear in order to meet their personal/poltical gain, usually by committing some horrific crime, but really if a terrorist group says "hey bitches, I wouldn't take the train today. ps- we hate you" then I bet people aren't taking the train and security will be increased. Why? because people are afraid even if they were just joking (those terrorists have weird sense of humour).

So, when a crazy group of Christians buys billboards (http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/20/2226274/christian-radio-group-warns-worlds.html) to tell everyone the world is going to end and that the dead will rise and walk amongst us, how is that not inciting fear for a specific gain and how is that not terrorism? They are telling us that:

"The sixth seal puts fear into the people on the earth; causing many recognize their own mortality. This puts in motion the next series of judgments, which cause even great destruction to the earth. God in His mercy is giving humanity a chance to repent and turn. Death should not be feared by believers but welcomed."

That is pretty threatening and scary. I've also read predictions about great war, and famine. As well as women running through the streets crying out for their children who have disappeared out of their arms. Yet were all like "Yeah haha! Silly people, I'll write something witty about this on Facebook!"

Then an atheist group puts out bus ads saying "Chill out! There is no god." (http://www.ctvbc.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20110511/bc_atheist_ads_probe_110511/20110511?hub=BritishColumbiaHome) and people freak out and refuse to drive the bus and they remove the ads! wtf? Wouldn't that be nice...

"Uhh... I can't drive that bus because it has an ad for Cover Girl and I really feel they send the wrong message to young girls, I am not setting foot on that bus! In fact remove ALL Cover Girl ads!!"

Religion is so threaded throughout our lives that we don't even notice that it gets special treatment that goes beyond any other aspect of our lives. Would I be able to buy a billboard that said simply "We're all going to die in 3 days" ... with no explanation? No, there would probably be a police investigation, but if I cite religion I can because we all so fucking scared of offending religious people.

My mother was in the hospital recently and above every doorway there was a crucifix! First off putting a symbol of death everywhere in a hospital seems crazy to me, imagine if it were a noose or electric chair? Secondly, where were all the other religious symbols? Not hanging up all over the hospital, I actually looked for them. Is that not preferential treatment of Catholics? I was bothered as was my mom that they were hanging above us everywhere we went, but do you think they would remove them for our little atheist beliefs? no! Oh my god, we wouldn't want to offend any Catholics, they're #1!! If I were a person of another religion, I would probably feel like a second class citizen if I were looking at crucifixes everywhere and no indication that anyone cares about my beliefs. If we can't treat everyone equally then we can't give special treatment to one group.

Take the crucifixes down, don't let crazy Christians tell us the world is ending, don't get mad if someone doesn't say 'bless you', don't let atheists take out bus ads, don't let extreme Muslims terrorize us ... everyone needs to be treated the same if were going to claim this is an equal and free country!

The Tubes are Clogged.

2011-05-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

I love youtube. I hate youtube.

First off, youtube is the BEST place to go if you want to see a fat person fall down. It is also the best place to go if you want watch that one Natalie Portman interview, then get dragged into a youtube hole and suddenly you've been watching 2 hours of Inside the Actor's Studio about people you don't even care about.

But that isn't even why I hate youtube. I hate youtube because it is now an essential tool for people who are into quackery, conspiracies and general illogical bullshit. It spreads misconception and lies so easily! A single facebook posting can send people the wrong messages, many of whom choose not to do their own follow-up research to find out if the facts even line up!

For example, a clip I saw today "Scientists cure cancer, no one notices"

So, what does that mean exactly? Without even watching it we can see that scientists have cured all cancers, announced it to the world, and everyone was like "mehh... lets watch the royal wedding instead!" The clip was pretty much that too, some news guy who doesn't understand the scientific process spouting off bullshit about big pharma and money and a really unimpressive looking dude saying "well, we need to do clinical trials." and the news guy saying "BUT WHYY!?!!? it worked in the LAB!! YOU ARE INSAAANE! If I had cancer I would BE ANGRRRYYYY! grrrrrr!"

... then some people will surmise from this that the cure for cancer is out there and it is being kept from people for the purpose of money making.

That is so illogical.

I saw how many drugs they prescribed to my mother during her chemotherapy. I also saw how often she accessed general medical services during the time she had cancer and I saw how much it cost her .... $0. In Canada, chemotherapy is covered.

So ... if the government is shelling out TONS for these drugs, wouldn't they be interested in not paying that much? therefore, if there were a cancer curing drug they would be all over it ... like say VACCINES!?! The government covers the costs of the majority of really important vaccines because it would cost more to hospitalize a child with measles or whopping cough than not. Therefore, if it was about revenue the government would stop campaigning people to get immunized. (http://www.immunize.ca)

It's really backwards that people are angry about the fact that this particular drug is taking so long, when it is for safety. Let me tell you a true story about a little boy with leukemia back in the 1940's when they first started testing drugs to cure cancer. This particular doctor found a link between cancer and folic acid. So, without asking the boy's parents for permission they just injected this kid with tons of folic acid, thinking it would somehow impair the cancer. What they didn't realize (because they didn't properly test their hypothesis, or do clinical trials) is that this particular leukemia LOVES folic acid. The doctor made the cancer stronger and it killed the boy faster, within days. Whoops!

SO ... if you don't want that to happen to you or your family then shut the fuck up and be happy that we have a system in place that ensures the safety for all people especially ones who are vulnerable like cancer patients. Also, educate yourself to understand why these things have to take so long (+ lab results =/= population distribution safe).

I'm really tired, so if that doesn't make sense then whatever ... look into it yourself.

MMmmmm Burrito!!

2011-05-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why I am being ignored when I am inviting my girlfriend to go eat $5 AMAZING burritos down the street. I am so hungry, and she is denying me such wonderfulness.

me: "I want a burrito!!"

gf: "Lets go get some."

me: "YAY :D"

gf: *silence*

me: :(

10 Minutes later:

me: "Burritos?"

gf: "blahablhabalha lab alhalhabalaha....."

me: :(

10 minutes even later (I try to mix things up):

me: "tacos?"

gf: *silence*

me: :(
my stomach: feeeeeeeed!

Maybe she didn't understand me.

5 minutes later:

me: "I WANT $5 BURRITOS!!! AND I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE BECAUSE BEING ON MY OWN FOR 5 MINUTES WILL SURELY SPIRAL ME INTO UNMITIGATED LONELINESS AND I WILL PERISH AND DIE!!!!!"

gf: "can I borrow your headphones?"

What she REALLY meant:

Gf: "SHUT UP! I want you to suffer and die a horrible death of pure burrito starvation."

life is hard.

Thoughts that kept me up all night

2011-03-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

I went to New York once. I would like to go back again, but have only been able to afford the one trip. Right after I got off the train and arrived in the big apple, I walked out of the train station, looked up at the tall buildings and thought "Wow, New Yo -- EWW!!!!!" and promptly stepped onto a HUGE pile of chicken kebabs.

There were 100+ of them just dumped onto the sidewalk and I nearly slipped on them and killed myself. This is when I learned that New York does not have alleys where it hides it's garbage and homeless like Vancouver does, everything just goes onto the street! Lovely!

When I was in NY I tried to see as many things as possible but opted out of the viewing of ground zero. I think it's a little strange to go and stare at a place where thousands of people died terrifying horrible deaths by plane-face collision, fire, or jumping to their own deaths. It's weird.

... and have you ever noticed that some people seem to get some sense of personal accomplishment like they have done a good deed by going and staring at that hole in the ground? They say "Oh, I went to ground zero." like one would say "I donated $200 to a charity that gives faceless children faces." but you know what? It doesn't really make you a good person.

I would find it almost impossible to think that someone didn't go to ground zero, and think "I am so glad that wasn't me or my loved ones." then get a warm feeling knowing that THEIR family is safe and complete and go home and tell them they love them. So, in a way, they're benefiting from another persons death, which I guess isn't all bad, I suppose it's worse to die in vain. At least that's what they say.

But we should acknowledge that going and viewing areas where people die satisfies some bizarre and creepy dark side of ourselves, it is the same reason eight versions of 'Saw' were made.

This leads me to think about the people that flew those planes into the trade centres. First off, can we admit that the "war on terrorism" is actually a "war on muslims" ? It's reframed as terrorism but really the war is to tell Muslim extremists to calm the fuck down and to stop adhering so closely to their religious text, which is in turn telling them to adhere closely.

It's funny though, when I think about what is waiting for suicide bombers on the other end. Rivers of milk and honey, many virgins and the bomber is allowed to make space for 40 of their closest friends and family who have been guaranteed a place in paradise by just being associated with the bomber. How great is that?! You get paradise and you don't even need to help your buddy move, or stay up with him all night as he cries about being dumped because he is dead! All the benefits without the work, that's pretty alluring.

It's weird to me that rivers of milk and honey are part of "paradise". First off.... what kind of milk is it? goat's milk? breast milk? cow's milk? What if you're lactose intolerant? or one of your many virgins are or one of your 40 friends?

The fact that we drink milk at all as adult human beings is fucking disgusting. We ween children off of breast milk at age one, then encourage them to drink the breast milk of a different species!! Is that not gross? I think it's close to beastiality to be honest, I don't drink milk. What is also weird to me is that if a grown man were to see a breast feeding woman walking down the street and asked her for a shot of breast milk he would probably be charged with sexual harassment, but humans drinking breast milk is natural!

I feel the need to say that I am not advocating for grown-ass people to drink breast milk, I am only drawing a comparison. I saw that youtube video of the 10 year old breast feeding and was scarred for life. I even look at mangoes differently now.

So there are rivers of milk in paradise? You'd think the prophet or God would realize that in the future Milk is pretty easy to come by and the thought of a milk river is disgusting.

...and then there is the river of honey, which is totally useless. What the fuck do people do with honey? I bought honey once and I put it in my tea because I was feeling extra hippie-ish and within a week my entire fucking kitchen was sticky as shit! and I only used it the once. So I threw it out and have never looked back. Honey is useless, nice try Allah.

.... I'm seriously thinking about how horrific it would be to fall into a river of honey and then trying to wash myself clean using only a river of milk. Oh god ... !

I can't remember the exact number of virgins promised to suicide bombers, but I think it's in the range of 70. Sex seems to be the only thing in the world when it is good to have no experience and probably be bad at ... well, rape as well, I don't think anyone should be good at rape or genocide come to think of it.... hmm....

...anyways, lack of sexual knowledge is used as a draw in the majority of society, it's not like "hey, that chick over there, she's marriage material ... she has never raped or genocided anyone! Go talk to her!"

The sanctity of virginity is stupid. Applying it to any other area of life highlights its absurdity....

"Hello folks, this is your Captain speaking. This is my first ever flight and we are expecting a bumpy and painful ride. I will enjoy myself but may be stop and go for a while and the throttle may slip out of gear but I'll get it back in after a few awkward seconds. I'll probably go too fast, then too slow. If I do anything to make you uncomfortable, please don't say anything as it will be awkward for both of us. Now buckle up for protection, and enjoy the ride."

It really makes no sense ... and virgins who serve only to have sex with you seems a little rapey to me... and do you share these virgins with your 40 friends and family who have time shares on your plot in heaven? Honestly, I can't even think of 40 people I would want to spend eternity with. I just counted everyone I know, including the guy who serves me donair and I'm still not at fourty. I wonder if I'm included in Donair guy's top 40. It's like a bizarre Muslim myspace. Who gets to be my top friends!?!?!

Those thoughts and more kept me awake until 5 am last night. I'm hoping that writing them down will allow me to sleep soundly tonight.

Nippon!!

2011-03-11T13:37:00.000-08:00

Holy shit Japan! That is one large earthquake. First off, if you're looking to donate DON'T donate to the Red Cross. They discriminate against homosexuals by not allowing them to donate blood, because apparently they think that all gays are AIDS ridden and secretly trying to infect the rest of the world with their gay AIDS blood. It doesn't make any sense since they test ALL THE BLOOD anyways! but they don't let you donate if you say that you're gay, which is stupid.

So, here are some alternatives for donating:
Americares
Save The Children
Global Giving

I have noticed since this huge earthquake hit is many people 'praying' for people in Japan, and thanking God for the survivors. This always bothers me, even if people are thanking god for their food before dinner, because the thanks isn't going to the right area.

Example: A guy gets in a horrific car accident, thrown from the vehicle but then a bystander pulls him off the road calls an ambulance and guy gets surgery and is able to live another day. Then he says, "Thank God!"

Thank GOD!? What about the bystander, the ambulance driver, the paramedics, the doctors, the surgeons, the nurses, etc. etc. etc. all the way back to all the early scientists and doctors who mapped human anatomy and made it possible for surgery to even happen. None of these people did anything useful? It was all God? Science and religion don't generally mesh, because science actually disproves the existence of God.

So here is something...

Seismologists figured out that Japan was on a dangerous fault line.

Engineers and seismologists upgraded many of Japan's buildings to ensure they wouldn't crumble during an earthquake, saving many lives.

Scientists, geographers, oceanographers mapped tsunami paths and were able to evacuate and warn areas which may be hit by the tsunami caused by the quake.

So, who is winning here (aside from Charlie Sheen)? God (who presumably did nothing to stop the quake) or the self-correcting unbiased scientific theory which saved lives?

When the scientific process is applied to evolution to disprove creationism some religious people turn a blind eye ... they're pretty good at picking and choosing.

Give thanks where thanks is due. Thank you engineers, seismologists, doctors, good citizens, and everyone in Japan who is helping and giving.

Final thought ... why pray to a God who created a world in which children can get cancer? Like, really, He made that decision. I'd rather be with science which is trying to save their lives, not kill them.

The Telus Chronicles.

2010-11-04T13:41:00.000-07:00

OMFG TELUS. Please read on:
Account # 600730188

PHASE 1:

The Telus chronicles begin when Telus offered a free brand new XBOX 360 when you sign up for the internet with them. Since our Shaw internet had been dropping out and I love XBOX, Jackie and I decided why not give it a shot!?

So, I called Telus. I spoke with a very nice lady and she set up my account and promised my XBOX in 4 - 6 weeks from August 16th. A technician comes over on Sept. 1 and sets up the internet and everything is peachy.

PHASE 2:

I am so excited about my new XBOX that I begin telling my friends about their awesome offer. A few of my friends sign up for their offer. A few weeks later I hear that my friends, who signed up AFTER me, have received their brand new shiny XBOX 360s.

Hmm.... interesting.

PHASE 3:

I telephone Telus and speak with another nice woman. She says, that the reason my friends have received their XBOXes is because they must have signed up at a Telus location, not over the phone like me. This makes no sense because who the fuck signs up by going into a location who isn't over the age of 50?? Regardless, I agree and wait the remaining 2 weeks.

PHASE 4:

2 weeks has past and it is now the end of september and I should have received my XBOX. I call again. I speak with another woman who looks over my account.

"Oh it looks like there has been an error. It says here that you signed up for the internet on Sept. 20, so the XBOX order was put through then. So it will be 4 - 6 weeks from Sept 20th. But I promise you the order has been put through."

Now, I pass the phone over the Jackie because she is more hardcore than I am and it doesn't make sense because I have already paid a bill ! So what was I paying for if I apparently did not have internet until the 20th? This is a mess up on their end. Jackie starts confronting them on this issue and the woman passes us off to someone else, who gives Jackie the number of the third party company that ships the XBOXes. She calls, and GEE GOLLY! they have NO RECORD of an order EVER being put through for us.

PHASE 5:

We call back and speak with a woman named Ian. She promises that she is going to look into where the XBOX is and what is happening and will call me back in 48 hours.

PHASE 6:

It has been 72 hours, and no phone call and no XBOX.

PHASE 7:

I call Telus and speak with a man named James. James PROMISES me, he will personally look into where my XBOX is why I haven't received it.

"I don't believe you James. You guys haven't done anything right."

"I promise, I am taking over your account and will personally call you back in 48 hours. Is your number 604-521-5566?"

"NO!"

"Oh ..."

"I have given you guys my phone number 10 times."

"it's 604-716-0236?"

"Yes."

"I will call you back with information about your XBOX in 48 hours."

PHASE 7:

48 hours and nothing from James, or Ian or anyone. I call Telus again. This time I get through to a girl named Jenny. Jenny says....

"So, looking at your account the last time we spoke to you was Sept 7th?"

"NO! I am SO sick of this can you please pass me to a manager?"

"Please hold."

HOLD

"My manager is in a meeting, but if you give me your number he will call you back in 48 hours."

"NO! I have been told that by 2 people now and they haven't called me back, so I don't believe you."

At this point Jackie gets on the phone with Jenny.

"Jenny, I know this isn't your fault, but you guys are giving us the WORST customer service ever and it is bullshit and I just want to cancel my account because if this is how we are going to be treated then I don't want to be a customer!!"

"Oh .... please hold, I'm going to get my manager."

"I thought your manager was in a meeting!"

HOLD

"Hi, thanks for holding. I'm going to put you through to our customer loyalty department."

At this point we get patched through to a guy named Abdi. Abdi gives us 2 months free internet and empathizes with our situation. He keeps saying sometimes it takes 8 weeks for XBOXes to arrive and it is a very busy time of year ....

"Abdi ... I understand it's busy and if that were the reason I would get that but our friends who signed up weeks after us, have their XBOXes so that is bullshit."

"Ohhh.... Well the order has been put through...."

"No, because I called the shipping company and they said there was no evidence of an order."

"Ohhh.... ummm.... well, I am going to look into this for you and I will call you back in 48 hours."

"Are you serious!? NO! I just have a hard time believing that that is even true at this point, and we are moving soon so you need to ensure the XBOX is getting sent to the new address."

"Listen, this is the highest you can go and my entire job is to deal with situations like yours and I will come in tomorrow, even though it is my day off and look into this for you."

"Fine."

"Okay ... "

PHASE 8:

A few hours after talking with Abdi, James calls me back with the tracking number for my XBOX. Confused? So was I. I go to canadapost.ca and look up the tracking number. Apparently my XBOX was delivered Sept. 28th. Which is impossible. Then I remember they so sent me a modem on that exact same day for the technician.

THEY SENT ME THE TRACKING NUMBER FOR THE MODEM I ALREADY HAVE!! THINKING IT WAS AN XBOX!! WTF!!?!?!

PHASE 9:

Abdi calls me right as I am about to start work. He says,

"So you have the tracking number for the xbox and everything is okay?"

"No Abdi, that was the tracking number for the modem you sent me."

"ohhh....Ohhh.... Well, I can see here the order has been put through and you should (and he says this part mumbled under his breath for fear of pissing me off) before Christmas, and for your inconvenience I have credited your account with 2 months free internet."

"Fine bye."

I couldn't argue as I had to start work.

PHASE 10:

I have my friend Jen call Telus to get more free internet out of them on my behalf. And the woman she talks to says that our account is super messed up and that idiots work there and that no matter what our account will always be passed onto customer loyalty so we never have to deal with them again, and she gives us one more month free for a total of 3 months free.

PHASE 11:

We're moving. I go to telus.com and fill out their handy dandy 'transfer of services' form on their webpage.

"We're sorry we cannot fulfill your request. Please try again."

I try about 5 more times and nothing. I try again the next day and the next day and still the same thing. Three day later I randomly get an e-mail confirming my request, stating that our services will be activated on Nov. 1st at our new apartment. Great.

PHASE 12:

It's our last day to check our mail at our old place, it's Nov. 1st. In my mailbox is a gleaming, happy delivery notification. It has to be my XBOX. FINALLY!!!! I go to the post office and pick up a big box, marked fragile, sent from Richmond.

PHASE 13:

Later that night I open up the box to look at my new XBOX and notice that the box says "Personalizing the computer". Then I flip it over and it has a giant HP (Hewitt-Packard) logo on it.

THEY SENT ME A FUCKING LAPTOP!

They weren't even advertising for laptops, how did this HAPPEN!!?!?!

PHASE 14:

I call Telus.

"You sent me a laptop."

"What?"

"A laptop, not an xbox but a laptop."

"Ohhhh...noo..... please hold."

HOLD

"Hi, thanks for holding. Have you opened the laptop box??"

"no."

"Okay, this has never happened before. You need to send us back the laptop, call us back with the waybill number, then we will send you your XBOX and it will be 4 - 6 weeks from that point, and I will credit your account for the inconvenience."

"okay fine." I had been moving all day and was too exhausted to even ask how much they were crediting or to get angry, and I haven't sent back the Laptop. Haven't had time.

PHASE 15:

Our internet isn't working. I hasn't worked once at our new place. I have called Telus 4 times, and they have called me back 4 times and keep telling me it is working on their end, asking me if I'm filtering the phone line, or if the phone cable is more than 10 feet long. Then they hum and haw, and tell me they will call me back.

PHASE 16 (Nov. 5th):
Another call to Telus resulted in an extra month (for a total of 5 months free) and a promise of a phone call back today, from Crystal, with information about the XBOX/Laptop situation as apparently no one is doing anything about it. So far it is 4pm and I have received no phone call, the time frame is getting smaller. Concerns were raised about getting into a contract with this sort of customer service and she assured us that if the customer service continues this way, then we could get out of the contract and at most would have to pay for the price of the XBOX ... that is, if we ever get one.

On a happier note, the Telus technician came by and the internet is up and working.

PHASE 17:
I have started twittering @Telussupport to get their attention, and hopefully get my XBOX sent faster than 4 -6 weeks from the date I send back the Laptop ... and Crystal just called me. She was very nice and wanted to let me know that her manager is looking into getting the XBOX expedited. The first good news I have had in ages!! This basically what I wanted them to do back in October, so now shit is getting done!

Also, she said that my account will be added to calendar and she will check it to see if any new notes have been placed in the account, just to monitor it. Good plan. Things are looking up.

PHASE 18:

This morning I woke up to 2 messages from a head manager at Telus named Steve, who noted my "horrific" situation. He offered to drive the XBOX out personally and will be here at 2! Would you look at that?!! Something is getting done. He also sounded really nice. This is more like it.

PHASE 19:
So, it seems the saga has come to an end. Steve, the very helpful manager, dropped off my new xbox and took the laptop away! FINALLY!! He also threw in a few added bonus items which definitely helped sweeten the deal. Glad this has a happy ending!

Check back for updates.

Oil of Oregano?!

2010-04-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

Today and yesterday I've been home with some sort of stomach flu thing which really sucks! Especially at this time of year when I have to get my practicum hours done before I go to Australia.

Anyways, I overheard recently all this excitement about oil of oregano and decided to look into it and see if it actually as good as it seems.

According to websites, oil of oregano can help with:
Swine Flu
Cancer
Diabetes
Arthritis
Boost your immune system
Asthma etc...

That's a WIDE range of ailments. AMAZING! Now let's talk about the science behind these claims ...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20390571
This scientific study supplemented chicken diets with oil of oregano to see if there was an increased immune response, among other things and ... "No significant effect on immune response was found with either enzyme or essential oil, alone or together."

Interesting... I know humans aren't chickens but I can't find any properly done scientific studies done on humans that suggest there is an increased immune response from oil of oregano, which isn't good.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10815019?
Here is another study done on humans which suggests that oil of oregano helps cure people of a specific type of intestinal bacteria, great! but wait... "... the evidence consists of only one study with 14 patients, and no placebo comparison, we really have no idea if the oregano oil was effective." -- so this study needs to be replicated and done more effectively, with all the variables isolated in order for it to be considered efficacious.

So what it seems to me is that Oil of Oregano is pretty good at being an antifungal & anti bacterial agent. Does this mean it can cure viruses? or improve your immune system?

First off, MANY things are anti-fungal/anti-bacterial. Vodka in fact will kill bacteria, why don't we all just take vodka capsules? or get drunk everyday? Actually killing bacteria is fairly easy as long as you change the environment enough.

Secondly, people are under this constant impression that our immune system is never functioning adequately. However, our immune system simply can't be boosted! If you are eating healthy, and generally taking care of yourself that "boosts" your immune system enough.
"...if you are at your optimal baseline you cannot make your immune function better."
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?p=1828

Read that article, written by a doctor, who explains how the immune system works and that it isn't a muscle that can be boosted.

So here are few things which will keep your immune system working optimally:
-Exercise
-Adequate Sleep
-Healthy Eating
-Avoid drinking and smoking

Ahhh... but that shit is hard to do right? We all want to stay up all night, smoke, drink, eat crap and then take a pill which will counteract it all and keep with healthy ... well, it's too good to be true.

Don't take my word for it, look into it! Don't waste $36 on oil of oregano when sleeping, and drinking fluids with have the exact same effect and are free!

Stayed tuned next week when I talk about how vitamins have no effect on avoiding sickness and taking too many vitamins can actually make you sick!

Aspertame!!

2010-03-11T11:39:00.000-08:00

I have always been afraid of Aspertame. I total avoid it, told other people it was evil and even convinced myself when I did drink it that I had a headache (oh the powers of the placebo effect!). Then I heard a neurologist say that Aspertame having negative biological effects is unsound and has never been proven scientifically.

Oops.

Then I reflected on why I thought that and realized that someone just told me that aspertame was bad for you and I never actually looked into it, which isn't like me.

So I looked into it.

Aspertame was discovered in 1965 by a guy who was trying to invent an anti-ulcer medication. He noticed its extreme sweetness when he accidentally licked his finger in the lab.

Wanting to use it as a sweetener it was sent to the FDA for testing for approval. Initially there were concerns that aspertame caused cancer, and genetic mutations. There were a batch of rats who had higher occurances of brain tumors that ingested aspertame.

...but wait! before you go running off to throw away all your diet soda lets think of this scientifically. We need to ensure that the results from that study are able to be replicated. This part of the scientific method ensures that the findings from the original study weren't confounded, skewed or happened by chance.

So, the FDA did not approve and several more studies were conducted specifically by a Public Board of Inquiry, The European Commission Scientific Committee on Food, and many others.

It has been said that aspertame is one of the most well researched and studied food additives. None of these subsequent studies were able to replicate the original findings in which the cancer was found, and no other general health concerns were found.

The most recent study which reviewed all the current research on aspertame in 2007 stated. "The weight of existing scientific evidence indicates that aspartame is safe at current levels of consumption as a non-nutritive sweetener."

So it would seem that the original study, which was most likely just a bunch of rats with a higher predisposition to cancer or they were coming in contact with something else causing the cancer, is what is perpetuating the notion that aspertame is bad for you. Subsequent studies have shown that is currently untrue but controversy is more interesting isn't it?

http://informahealthcare.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10408440701516184
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspartame

Now, if you are thinking "yeah okay, but the FDA just wants to make money and is corrupt and is probably hiding the studies that show it is bad for you."

Well then, just know that the FDA, or the Canadian version whatever it is called, has to approve EVERYTHING for human consumption. Why are you picking on aspertame? how do you know that the processed cheese you ate isn't going to make you grow extra hair? or that Splenda is actually good? or that the food you buy with that says 'organic' or 'natural' actual means anything?

If you call into question the FDA then you need to call into the question ALL the food and drugs you purchase and you should probably just move to a farm and grow your own food ... although I think the FDA might need to approve the seeds you buy.

Abortion and Breast Cancer

2010-01-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

In my continued fight against bad science and misinformation I have heard tale of abortions being linked with breast cancer. Right off the bat, I thought that this made no sense. Knowing what I do about breast cancer I considered the potential link between the two.

Some breast cancer "feeds" (I use feeds loosely as cancer doesn't eat, but you understand my point) off estrogen (I believe the statistic is ~80% of women). Many women have to have their ovaries removed if they test positive for this type of cancer which is very sad if they are young and haven't yet had children.

Therefore, if a woman were pregnant that would create a spike in their estrogen levels and perhaps kick start an aggressive estrogen positive breast cancer. But that would make a link between pregnancy and cancer, not abortion. You'd think having an abortion would lessen your chances of estrogen driven cancer as your estrogen levels would drop post-abortion rather than continuing on for 9 months.

ANYWAYS, that was my speculation. In true scientific fact, here is the truth:

Induced abortion does not cause breast cancer.
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs240/en/index.html

Here are some scientific peer-reviewed articles that you can research the topic yourself with:

Lindefors-Harris B-M et al. American Journal of Epidemiology 1991;134:1003-8.
Daling et al. Journal of the National Cancer Institute 1994;86:1584-92.
Brind et al. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health 1996;50:481-96
Meirik et al. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health 1998;52:209-11
Lindefors Harris B-M et al. British Medical Journal 1989;299:1430-2
Melbye M et al. New England Journal of Medicine 1997;336:81-5
Daling et al. American Journal of Epidemiology 1996;144:373-80
McCredie M et al. International Journal of Cancer 1998:76:182-88.
Bartholomew LL and Grimes DA. Obstetric and Gynaecological Survey 1998;53:708-14.
Blettner et al. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health 1997;51:4

Also, a word of warning. It is always suspicious when there are links between women's sexuality and disease, especially when it comes to abortion. This is because there are many religious pro-life movements out there that try desperately to infiltrate science to try and prove that abortion is evil and god is punishing us all, regardless of scientific facts.

If you do a little internet research you will see that there is quite a prominent link between this abortion-cancer hypothesis and pro-life groups, which brings me to my next point:

Good science is always objective, anyone who has an alternate motive or who is pushing their own agenda cannot be objective. Therefore their research needs to be looked at with a fine tooth comb as they do occasionally skew data to meet their personal objective. This is why we have these beautiful things called double blind experiments.

I heart eloquence ...

2010-01-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

I love it when I happen upon something and I think to myself, "ah! I couldn't have said it better myself". I had one of those moments today, and would like to share:

"Why is God considered an explanation for anything? It's not - it's a failure to explain, a shrug of the shoulders, an 'I dunno' dressed up in spirituality and ritual. If someone credits something to God, generally what it means is that they haven't a clue, so they're attributing it to an unreachable, unknowable sky-fairy. Ask for an explanation for where that bloke came from, and odds are you'll get a vague, pseudo-philosophical reply about having always existed, or being outside nature. Which, of course, explains nothing."

Acting like an idiot?

2009-11-29T13:11:00.000-08:00

So, I supposed to be writing a ~~really important~~ English paper about total non-sense. So of course I am going to write in my blog because how else am I supposed to effectively procrastinate?

First off, I changed the description of my blog to 'skeptical ramblings, comedy and art'. I think this sums up most of what I do in here better than whatever was there before.

So, ready? Begin rant:

Why do actors/actresses think they are better and smarter than the rest of the population? and why is it that we believe them?

There is a video of Kirk Cameron going to head to head with an UCLA student arguing about Darwinian evolution ... and he is losing.

Student: Science is based on evidence, where religion is based on faith.
Kirk: But Darwinism is extremely based on faith
Student: No, it's based on a lot of evidence.

psht. LOL!

He also compared Darwin to Hitler which makes no sense, but I suppose he wants to scare people away from Darwin by doing that. Regardless, who does he think he is that he can put himself in such a position? He doesn't study evolution! Why does he think he is suddenly and expert on it and is taking it upon himself to speak for his community?

Because he is an actor!

It's funny because acting is one of the few things in this world one can do as a profession without any academic training whatsoever ... yet these people are continuously placed in society to sell us things, to teach us about AIDS, warn us about stuff, etc ...

It's because we are so driven to be entertained constantly that if random Joe Blow who was the leading top expert in AIDS came on the screen to teach us we'd never remember his name, and would probably change the channel ... but if Taylor Swift and Kayne did it! Holy shit, it would be all anyone was talking about.

Kirk Cameron needs to stop talking about evolution, Jim Carrey needs to stop talking about vaccines, Jenny McCarthy needs to stop talking about autism and Susan Somers needs to stop talking about chemotherapy!

These people don't know anything and are pushing their own agendas. Don't trust them, do the research yourself.

It's MUCH more satisfying to say, "I read a study where ..." rather than "Jenny McCarthy says that ..."

VACCINES, do the body good.

2009-11-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, recently vaccines (a huge medical and scientific advancement) have come under fire in the media. This is insanity to me. The the ONLY reason we aren't all inflicted with polio, or with rubella, mumps and many other ailments is because of vaccines.

Why are we attacking something that has been extremely beneficial to us?

It's because the media jumps on any story that seems controversial and would rather have readers than promote true science, and it is taking lives. Diseases that have been long gone are making a comeback because people aren't getting vaccinated! Children are DYING of things that they could have been vaccinated from because people read unscientific propaganda and choose to believe it before thinking critically and doing research.

First off: The influenza vaccine cannot give you influenza. The influenza vaccine contains dead influenza viruses and they simply cannot cause infection. THEY ARE DEAD! Another type of vaccine is made with the capsule, or part of the protein cell wall; these types of vaccines are called "acellular vaccines." Acellular vaccines exhibit some similarities to killed vaccines therefore stimulating your immune system and vaccinating you, and also cannot get you sick as they do not contain disease causing elements.

IF one gets sick after wards it is for two reasons:

1) Every person's body is different and about 10 - 15% of people will not reap the benefits of the vaccine because it simply does not work for their particular make up, therefore they end up getting sick from the true virus, NOT the vaccine.

2) If the germ/virus is all ready in your system at the time of your vaccine, the vaccine will not kill it, therefore you were already infected with the LIVE virus and you would have gotten sick regardless.

These may be why everyone thinks vaccines get you ill. Unfortunately in the 1950s when there was a lot of early experimentation searching for the polio virus some scientists did use a live virus and ended up getting a lot children sick with polio. However, they didn't make that mistake again. That was a very unfortunate situation, but hasn't happened since and it was over fifty years ago. Technology has come A LONG WAY since then.

One final point: If you don't believe or trust in vaccines then how is it possible that YOU have not succumbed to any of the following:

-smallpox
-diptheria
-measles
-polio
-Typhoid Fever
- + many more...

The answer is simple, and you know it; VACCINES. They do not get people sick, they've saved lives and continue to do so. Choosing to ignore science that has worked in our favour for so many years is what is causing the bodies to pile up, not the vaccines.

Here is a great article by a well-known neurologist regarding vaccines if you want to do a little research of your own:
http://www.theness.com/neurologicablog/?p=308

Random!

2009-07-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

Let's start it off with, are you available?
Um.... I interpreted this question as; Are you online? That's how much of an internet geek I am... and no not single.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Hells yeah. Lots of people.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Lots of people! My friends ARE my family so, I don't want them gone... ever!

Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
Multiple times. EVERY single time I have been on an airplane, once in a car accident, twice almost drowning, once choking on steak, and once when I thought I was having a heart attack, half way to the hospital Sarah helped me decide it was nothing and I went back to bed.

The last person you texted needs you at 3AM, do you go?
It was Carly so fuck yeah! She wouldn't say she needs me unless she meant it.

Do you love the last person you called?
It was my mom so, FUCK NO! ... just kidding. (or am i?)

Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
Easily? No. But when I DO get scared I am scared for MONTHS!! in fact, the The Ring still freaks me out and I saw that YEARS ago.

Could you date someone taller than you?
Yes. I have, it's all good in the hood.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
This is a weird question ... don't people have fathers? uncles? brothers? etc ... Yes.

Are you taller than your mum?
Yeah, apparently she is shrinking (according to her) so I'm 5'6" and she's 5'3"

Favorite fruit?
testicles.

How many piercings do you have, and what are they?
Ears only right now. I had my tongue pierced from age 16-18 and eyebrow for a little while but it rejected.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
Stomach and side. If I sleep on my back I stop breathing and dream that I am drowning. It happens EVERYTIME! and tooks me years to make the connection.

What are you listening to?
Listening to Jackie watching project runway.

Next time you will kiss someone?
Tonight, before going to bed.

Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Fairly even.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
Yeaj, just one I think... but I'm a huge whore so who knows.

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Yes, and I have always regretted it! So I'll do it now.... It's YOU! HA!

Would you ever dye your hair blond?
Yes, it's blonde now. I feel like this study doesn't even KNOW me.

What are your plans for the weekend?
I dunno, being awesome like a possum.

What were you doing at 9 this morning?
Sleeping!! I was tired from NO DOUBT!

Where do you want to go?
when? this question has no context. Who the fuck writes this shit?

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
facebooking.
Honestly, who was the last person to make you smile?
Renee, when I read that I was the last to make her smile! :D FULL CIRCLE!

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
yes. John Mayer, Panic at the Disco, Carrot Top, Jade from ANTM, and Lady GaGa's nose.

Do you like your life right now?
no *death*.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
No, we were in the elevator.... or at least I hope no one saw. *creeeeeepy!*

Latest you stayed up in the past week? And why?
This week just started, so tonight... it's 1:57am.

What was on your mind mostly today?
Mum.

Have you held hands with anyone today?
Yep! (your mom)

Interested in anyone at the moment?
You! Call me sometime 1-800-Naked-Ang

Have a best friend?
yes, a few actually and I love it.

What's bothering you right now?
I'm sleepy.

Who was the last person you spoke on the phone for over an hour?
My mom, she was asking me about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I had to explain to her I wasn't and infant anymore and I wasn't going to suddenly die with no explanation.

If you were upset, who's the first girl you would go to?
Jackie, Fenn, Sarah, Adi, Carly -- whoever answered first!

Do you need to say anything to someone?
FUCK YOU DOUCHEBAG! (you know who you are!!)

How many kids do you want to have?
2.3 (I want 2 and one with no limbs, it just makes it easier)

Will you talk to the person you like/love on the phone tonight?
not tonight ... she's right next to me, so if she called me I would break up with her for being so lazy/weird.

What did you do this afternoon?
Went for brunch and hung out with mum.

When do you plan on having kids or your next kid?
After I grad and find someone to have them with. Please email if interested angieneedschildrenasap2009@gmail.com

Do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?
I think so.

Can you take a bra off with one hand?
OHHHHHHHHHH yeah.

Can you use chopsticks?
I fucking ROCK chop sticks.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth?
Psht, I dunno. But I remember finding a cow's tooth and using it to trick the tooth fairy when I was young and getting TONS of change, but it really just made me think the tooth fairy was an idiot. I mean, that's her JOB! You'd think she could tell the difference! bitch.

Were you a hyper or mellow kid?
In between.

Why did you throw up last?
From nerves ... I can't remember when, but it was from being nervous.

What's for dinner?
it's 2 am ... HAD pizza for dinner.

Do you HAVE to have brand name stuff?
NO. I actually don't like bran name stuff, it makes me feel dirty.

Last time you washed your hair?
Yesterday,

Do you like Oreos?
oh yes, it's one of the few cookies I do like.

Can you ice skate?
oh hells yahhhh.

What are you wearing exactly?
Blue & white tshirt from LA that my mom bought and lenguin Pajama pants that Danielle bought me at christmas.

Do you like to grocery shop?
I do, if I have eaten though otherwise I get angry and buy totaly weird shit.

What kind of mood are you in?
sleeeeeeeepy, and annoyed because I'm having nasal issues.

Do you go tanning?
No, it's creepy. You are literally cooking yourself.

Which one of your friends is going to have the cutest baby?
Well, I can't choose! I really can't!

What is the theme of your bedroom?
I read that as 'bathroom' and was like 'wtf?!?! people have bathrooms themes!? is that a thing??'. Our theme is boys-don't-live-here-so-the-bathroom-doesn't-smell.

Wearing any bracelets?
nope.
Last thing someone bought for you?
Jackie bought me lunch! Mum bought me a coffee.

What are you going to do now?
Sleep

Have you ever made out with someone you weren't dating?
Oh yeah, I think I have made out with more people I wasn't dating than those I have! Whatever, teenagers are silly and herpes isn't THAT bad.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
Totally. Best friend is someone who will bust their balls to help you find a bathroom because you're about to explode in your pants. A friend is someone who still pretends they don't poo.

Do you miss anyone?
yes, FENNIE!!!!

When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
My brother

Can you touch your toes?
No ... My mom can. She's 64.

Do you know anybody who was abused?
Errrr... that's a weird question and I'm not answering it.

Do you take walks often?
No. I lost my legs in 'nam.

Is silence really golden?
Again, dumb question. I dunno, is your face really ugly!?

Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
Nope, but I'm getting an No Doubt tattoo asap!!

Are you afraid to grow up?
Yes. Old people make me cry. I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE!

Who were you with last night?
Oh, last night you ask? Hmmm... GWEN STEFANI, ADRIAN YOUNG, TOM DUMONT, TONY KANAL (AKA - No Doubt! )

What language do you want to learn?
Russian, its awesome.

Any upcoming vacations?
Tofino!! with ma baby! :)

Do you care what people think of you?
Depends on the person. I just want everyone to think I'm pretty.

Would you call yourself smart?
*enter fart noise here* You decide.

The color pink sucks.

2009-06-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched an episode of Project Runway Canada, from a while ago, where the models the designers had to dress were breast cancer survivors. Now, I bet you're thinking "oh did they make them beautiful evening gowns to make them feel beautiful after going through chemo and losing their hair?!"

No ... because the brand Post-it is a "proud" sponsor of the Canadian Breast Cancer Research Association they had to make dresses ENTIRELY OF POST-ITS.

Alright, so you get cancer, that sucks. You survive cancer and now some brand is whoring you out, dressing you in uncomfortable horrible bright pink and yellow paper and making you look, honestly, ridiculous. You would think that if Post-It really wanted to be advertised on project runway then they would perhaps throw an additional $200 to the designers budget to allow them to make the dresses for the women really gorgeous! But no they fucking dressed them in paper!

... and then, of course, one of the dresses was particularly ugly and the judges are sitting there saying "this dress is horrible! It's ugly! I don't know what you were thinking!" ... and how does that make the person wearing it feel? Granted, they didn't make it, but still you don't want to be looked at, after having CANCER, and have people tell you what you're wearing is butt-ugly.

It was so awful. I feel like never buying post-its again because that whole thing was in such bad taste and I feel like they were exploiting the women.

ALSO -- why is it that everyone feels as if breast cancer needs to be dressed up with pink ribbons, teddy bears, pink post-its, pink pens ... WHAT THE FUCK? Cancer is not cheery. Breast cancer is NOT an experience that women should be GLAD they get to explore.

Cancer is not pink and fluffy.

Being pink and positive is not an essential part of cancer.

Cancer is scary. Cancer is evil. Having breast cancer is shitty.

Making everything pink and pretty makes women feel as if they aren't allowed to be pissed of that they have cancer, and they should be!

Fuck pink ribbons and bumper stickers with quotes about faith and positivity. Let's have black ribbons as we need to be mourning the loss of anyone who has ever died of this horrible affliction, or to let people know that cancer is frightening and if women want to be angry and scared they can! They shouldn't have pink shit shoved in their face and told to be positive to cover up the fact that hundreds of thousands of women die from cancer and that cancer research is not really moving forward, it's actually kinda stuck and has been for a LONG time, and that Chemotherapy is a humiliating and life-sucking crap shoot that does not guarantee a cancer free survival. What it does guarantee is hair loss, mouth sores, aching joints, loss of sensation in fingertips, constipation, diarrhea, kidney pains, fatigue, vomiting, yeast infections, burning sensation when you pee, etc. etc. etc.

Yeah, all those symptoms DO NOT make me think of the color pink.

It's as if society is trying to HIDE the fact that cancer is horrible and scary. It's as if they're saying, "NO! NO! Breast cancer isn't scary, it doesn't kill people slowly, it's not one of the worst deaths you could possibly have. It's pink and happy!! LOOK OVER THERE! LOOK AT ALL THE PINK RIBBONS AND BALLOONS!"

That's bullshit.

We need to STOP funding runs, walks, Post-its, Pens, teddy bears, bumper stickers, and start using the money received for actual fucking research not dressing up breast cancer survivors in pink post-its.

... and the woman that was dressed in the particularly horrible dressed ended up losing her battle with cancer and died.

Did you know that to be a breast cancer "survivor" you only have to be cancer free for a few years so it doesn't actually mean you survived, it can still pop up at any point and kill you.

Funny, they never mention that.

is this thing on?

2009-05-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen The Truman Show? It's about a guy who lives in a world of staged things that is filmed all the time for everyone elses amusement and he is unaware of the fact that his life is completely fake. They worked in advertising to the show through the "actors" he interacted with. He eventually figures this out and breaks free. Absurd concept right?

There is this little show called Jon and Kate Plus 8, that I have recently become ~~obsessed~~ interested in. Since these kids were like 18 months old they have had cameras filming their every move. Corportations sponsor them to wear specific brands (gap, gymboree etc.) and places pay for them to go to their resorts, or hotels simply because it is advertising. The family does not save up for these things, they go because they are offered. They get paid $50,000 - $75,000 per episode. Every single thing is an advert for some company or place.

Jon and Kate have had lives, but the kids are living in The Truman Show! Many of the people they interact with are placed there to push a product or place, all the things they have are "gifts" from large corporation and we all watch then pointlessly do things that pretty much every family does. It is so weird! Now if they break up, it will be even more fake.

What are they going to do once TLC drops them? Their ENTIRE lives are that show. Also, the kids are now of "public" interest which means that paparazzi can follow the children around, without their parents, and snap photos until forever if they want to.

What really blows my mind is the kids that are growing up now exposed to this type of TV thinking that it is normal. I mean, I watch it partially because I am totally engrossed that these people let cameras follow them around and document their lives 5 days a week, it's like a train wreck. However, the kids that are like 1, 2, 3, 4 .... and on and on, will think that it is totally normal that there are TV shows that are basically just cameras in people's living rooms. These kids will be like "so I don't get what's weird about watching other people for no good reason?"

Oh life.

coincedance?

2009-05-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

I was just pondering country music basically because I don't listen to it and I find it strange because I don't understand it. The southern accent that is pretty much associated with being stupid. I mean any character on TV these days that is stupid has a southern drawl.

Anyways ... I thought it was interesting that the most homophobic areas of Canada and USA have the highest numbers of cowboys, and funnily enough they have a lot of the same characteristics:

-Tight pants
-Tight shirts with top 4 buttons open
-Dancing (electric slide vs. electric circus)
-Jewelery
-Drinking
-Love of Leather

Strange. Maybe they know that all they need is a love of the same sex and they're GAY GAY! it's not even that big of an adjustment for them, that's why they're so afraid! teehee ... I know their secret.

Skull! Skull! Skull FATTY!

2009-05-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today I went on the first bike ride this year. I started out my day killing a few internet zombies, then decided exercise was in order. So I dusted off my bike and hit the pavement. I biked along the sea wall and decided that I would grab a sandwich at Granville Island.

On my way back I saw what I'm assuming was a Dragon Boat team. They all "train" for the dragon boat races that happen later in the summer. I can tell they are beginners because they aren't going very fast and they aren't doing that impressive synchronicity thing that super fancy wet bobs do.

As I'm watching them I notice that on the one side there is a large man, oar in hand, not even pretending to row. He's just sitting there. EVERYONE else is towing this fucker along and he's too lazy to help.

Can you imagine being one of the other people who joined this team? You're all done up in your MEC gear getting ready to hit the waves and then you feel a gentle rumble under your feet and you see a ginormous man coming towards you wearing a life jacket? Not only are you totally new to rowing but now you have to row an additional full grown man! I felt so sorry for them.

If I were them I'd have quit.... or pushed him overboard, who knows?

shut up!

2009-05-06T12:56:00.001-07:00

I said I'd have more of an update on the gay marriage debate that was happening via facebook, but it just makes me too angry. What was more annoying was that every now and then she would add a smiley face after her "facts".

"It's just that homosexuality isn't a healthy lifestyle, more homosexuals commit suicide than heterosexuals. :) "

"We can't let people be who they want to be because then we'd have murderers everywhere! That's just chaos! :) "

"I just live in a tiny little bubble and would rather hate people and take away their human rights simply because they are different from me and their way of life bothers me. I'm stupid, ignorant and pompous. :) "

Okay, mayyyyyyyyyybe she didn't say that last part but basically everything she said had that undertone. Anyways, enough of that. What I really wanted to blog about was the cable guy.

I had such an annoying experience this morning. I had to meet the cable guy at my mom's house and he wouldn't stop talking to me about stupid stuff. I know that I am a bit different from other people in that I do not find pleasure in pointless idle conversation, but he was trying to be like buddy-buddy with me. I was watching "The True Story of Ashlee Simpson" on MuchMusic and he's like ...

"What? why'd she get a nose job?"
"Um, she had like a bump on her nose?"
"Really? Did it look bad?"
"I don't think so."
"I didn't know that about her."
"oh."
"Yeah, she looks like her sister now right?"
"yep."
"Do you think she wanted to look like her sister?"
"I don't know."
"Is your iPhone jailbroken?"
"No."
"Oh, why?"
"I'm afraid of it messing things up."
"Oh yeah, that's just a fear."
"I know ... "
"I'm getting mine done next week."
"cool."
"yeah ...alskdfjlaksjdfjowe0u30ru209uwfjwijfoiwje...."

SHUT UP!! He then proceeds to come over and pick up my phone (without asking to see it!) he unlocks it and starts scrolling through my apps. WTF!? STRANGER DANGER! You do not do that ... no no no! Maybe look at the case, but you don't start looking through shit.

Then ... he was like stapling the cable cord to the wall or something and a picture frame fell directly on his skull, and he goes "owie ... fell right on my head."

I didn't apologize, he was stapling too hard anyways and that's what you get for talking to me. I don't like talking to you. kthxgrtbye :)

gayGAYgayGAY!!

2009-05-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

I'm having a discussion with someone online (via a third parties facebook status) regarding gay marriage and to strengthen my argument I looked up some quotes from the bible.

Her argument was that God told us not to commit incest, therefore she will trust his opinion on homosexuality.

... and I said, "you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way. (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT)"

Are you also going to buy child slaves?

Oy! I will expand on this later, I have to run but she honestly believes homosexuals are flawed people who gets more STDs than heteros and live "unhealthy lifestyles" and commit suicide more often and have incestuous relationship more often.

I have had none of the above ... and you know what? I can think of a few STRAIGHT people who have. Just saying.

Happy to be alone...

2009-03-19T14:10:00.001-07:00

I found this on Crazy Myka Fox's blog, she's really funny - google her! Anyways, and now I feel the need to comment on it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k84ywueTKq0&feature=related

Okay, it's pretty awesome that they are happy as clams in shitty sea water, I probably wouldn't be if I had to drag someone around by my head as they sat comfy on a cart. Anyways, am I the only one who was thinking 'what would happen if they just started running in opposite directions?' like fast and hard, and if they fight to is it like when massive bucks get their antlers stuck together and are just whipping their heads side to side violently? Does that make me a bad person?

Holy GOD! I just looked on youtube for a clips of deers with locked antlers and happened upon a bunch of hunting videos. Never youtube 'hunting videos' -- it's horrifying!

Animals.

2009-02-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

People and their dogs piss me off for several reasons. I used to walk a dog on a regular basis, it wasn't my dog, but the dog lived with me and I hated it because when you take a dog to an area where there are other dogs, the dogs just run up on each other and start sniffing ass, which is fine dogs can do whatever the hell they want, however, it is awkward for the dog owners so they always try and make stupid conversation and it's always the same.

Guy: "How old is -- Is it a he or a she?"
Me: "She -- about 10."
Guy: "Oh wow, beautiful. I used to have one just like her, they're great dogs."
Me: "Mhmm..."

*silence*

Then the guy STARES at you as if to say 'why aren't you asking me about my dog?' I don't care about your fucking dog! Let us stand here and watch the dogs sniff asses in silence please.

Also running into a dog owner with their dog in the elevator is the worst!!

Dog: *pantpantpant*
Dog Owner: "Oh someone is excited to go out, yes you are!! yes yes!! now, calm down ... CALM! sit..... sit!....good boy. You must know were going to the P-A-R-K yes yes!! no, sit.... sit!"

And then OTHER people get on the elevator and start talking to the dog also ...

Person: "oh, hello there! Oh yes, hi ! hi! You must be going for a walk, yes yes....
Dog Owner: "yes he is!"
Person: "Oh how nice, the weather is perfect for you! yes it is .... so nice."

RETARDS ... all of you.

SUPER UPDATE!!!

2009-02-22T02:13:00.000-08:00

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh SHIT!

A few days ago I checked the Keith and the Girl site to see where I was standing in my stand up contest, and I was in 2nd. WHAT A RELIEF!! I don't have to go, I don't have to potentially get laughed off a stage in front of a bunch of people.

Then I send an email to the guy in 2nd to congratulate him, and go about my life.

A few days later I get an email apology from the guy in second and it says, basically.

"Dear Keith and The Girl and angiethestrange ... I am sorry for cheating."

As it turns out, he created a bunch of different accounts and voted for himself a whole bunch of times (irony given my previous post!). It was brilliant because they called him out live on the air and the awkwardness was so good. So, I am back in first.

Anything funny happen to you recently? let me know! kthxgrtbye.

UPDATE!!!

2009-02-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

So here is an update on the stand up contest situation.

Voting has begun and I have been in first the entire time (No, I'm not telling you where to vote!). I thought maybe if I got too scared I could go to the library and vote from every single computer, but as it turns out they are smart and you have to have an account to vote and setting up 100 different accounts with email address is more work than flying to New York and embarrassing myself. So, who is coming with me? (I'm serious about this, FUNSIES!!!)

Party, Super party anyone?

Could be worse ...

2009-02-05T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sick today. Every time I breathe in, it feels like tiny little razor blades slicing my nostrils up ... but I suppose it could be worse:

1.) I could believe in God: I could be a hardcore evangelist christian who fears god, who denies themselves natural things thinking that there is a god hovering over all of us waiting to smite you. I could harvest so much hate within myself that I alienate my children because they're too afraid to tell me they're gay, or atheist and if they don't kill themselves out of self hatred and shame I will force them into some "rehabilitation" camp where they are forced to try and change the way they were born. Then they go through the rest of their lives hiding who they are, hating themselves and hating me.

2.) I could be severely uneducated: I could be someone who was so uneducated that they believe that vitamin supplements will cure their child of cancer, resulting in the unnecessary death of their child. I could also think that simple prayer will rid my child of the diseases coursing through their veins and deny medical treatment so that when my daughter's cancer is spreading to her brain I can tell her that it's her own fault for not praying hard enough.

3.) I could not believe in science: I could think that the scientific method is debatable and refuse my children normal, perfectly safe, vaccines then watch my 7 month old die of a totally preventable childhood disease. I could think that HIV/AIDS is a hoax and deny treatment for myself and my daughter resulting in my death and her to be overcome by AIDS dementia and eventually die as well.

4.) I could not think for myself: So that when some guy tells me that there are 400 virgins waiting for me in the sky and all I have to do is load myself up with bombs and jump on a bus and kill 100 innocent people, I do it.

Some sicknesses are way worse than my cold (btw - all examples used here have actually happened as reported in the news.)

Christian Bale is a psychopath

2009-02-04T22:37:00.000-08:00

Here he is spazzing on one of the lighting guys on set, now I do kinda believe he assaulted his sister/mom.

Also, wtf is with his accent? Is he irish? english? new yorkian? pick one Batman!

let me hear your body talk...

2009-02-03T10:52:00.000-08:00

ch-ch-check it out!!

2009-02-02T10:50:00.001-08:00

If you wanna rock out with your socks out and be a supastarrrr DJ join at blip.fm

RIP (perhaps!)

2009-01-30T18:41:00.001-08:00

Oy! My 320 GB hard drive with all my worldly electronic possessions on it died. It just clicks when I turn it on. This potentially means the loss of all the music I have written, ever. forever.

Yeah, not to mention tons of photos and other downloaded crap. Now, I have no TV shows to watch. You see, I do not have cable. I only have internet in my house, therefore, I download EVERYTHING, or I watch it on YouTube. It's marvelous. No commercials. No channel surfing or watching pointless reality shows because you have nothing to do. I love it.

But now I have none of my favorite shows! and I just finished downloading the 3rd season of Dexter. Then I found an online TV watching site, and it stopped Dexter half way through to tell me that I either have to log off for 48 minutes or pay $9.99 for a month of unlimited show watching. What the fuck is with that?! ... I almost did it out of pure frustration but I didn't.

So right now my precious HD is at some guys house, whom I found on craigslist, and he is trying to do some serious data recovery for $200, but if he isn't able to then I don't have to pay him. I hope he is able to save my stuff. From now on I guess I have to back stuff up extra!!

...because I have nothing better to do.

2009-01-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

25 Random Things:

1.) The only time I dance is when I am totally alone, therefore I always dance as if no one's watching, and for some reason it's always a strip tease.

2.) I love granville island beer best of all the beers, in fact I am having one as we speak.

3.) I have 3 fairly severe phobias. First is injections/needles, second is flying (I hyperventilate & cry), and the third is spiders. Fuck spiders!! A flying spider that shoots hypodermic needles would cause me to die, instantly.

4.) I'm addicted to podcasts. Can't stop listening to them. www.katg.com

5.) I have a cat named Felix, he has a belly that hangs between his legs and flops side to side when he runs. I call it his fuzzy bag of yogurt. That's what it feels like.

6.) I haven't rented a movie in over a year. I download them all, it's awesome... FREE!!!

7.) I beat the game Bioshock on my xbox 360.

8.) I am perplexed as to why people join scientology and I now see Tom Cruise as an alien masquerading as one of us.

9.) http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=2Cs_YmzPlVc

10.) 25 is too much, 10 is good enough, you creeps.

11.) OBAMA!

Abomination? No! Obama-nation!

2009-01-28T13:08:00.001-08:00

Just had to share these insanely cute pictures of the first family. They warm the dark, cold, cynical, sarcastic, pessimistic regions of my heart.

Some may say he's just looking good for the cameras but you can tell it's natural, they're such an affectionate family. Can I join?

TMNT! TOTALLY RAD!!

2009-01-25T17:21:00.000-08:00

I just had a wicked blast from the past. When I was young I LOVED the teenage mutant ninja turtles. I think everyone my age did. Now, I don't ever remember believing in Santa or the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter bunny but I do really remember thinking that Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael and Leo were real. Judge me if you want, but I think believing in super hero turtles who kick ass and live in the sewers is way cooler than some creepy fat dude sneaking into your house to give you presents. I was not as selfish as you were. HA!

Anyways, there was this one VHS tape that I had and I LOVED it. I mean really, really loved it. I remember very clearly the passion I had for this tape. I watched it over and over again. I recently, stumbled upon it and was filled with "OMFG!! No way!! I have to watch this!!" I stopped everything I was doing (looking at porn, picking my bum) and watched it. I know at the time (I was 6 years old btw) I had this whole video memorized and you can find the whole thing on youtube, but here is a clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S6mOBRi-Zk

Holy balls. I watched this and some other clips, and now I really really really judge myself. I thought I was cool!?! Now, I have done some silly stuff in my life and in my teenage years and I usually look back on it with a feeling of nostalgia and "oh, but it was fun at the time!" like filming a video with a friend about how much we loved No Doubt, with the plan to give it to them, but not in this case. This Ninja Turtle dance fest is waaaayyyy too retarded for that. What the fuck was wrong with me!?! Not only that but what was wrong with my parents?! They let me watch this more than once! If it were my kid I would have been like 'fuck no child! and go to your room, for life!'

Oh god. I feel so dirty. I remember thinking that they were actually playing those instruments, which clearly they aren't, and really wanting to see them live. I even think there are 4 dudes backstage doing their voices, oh and the dancing .... oh god the dancing. I need to ctrl + z that part of my existence.

This warms my heart...

2009-01-23T22:22:00.001-08:00

I know I already blogged once today but this is totally blog worthy --

President Barack Obama on Friday reversed the Bush administration's ban on giving federal money to international groups that perform abortions or provide abortion information — an inflammatory policy that has bounced in and out of law for the past quarter-century.

Obama's move, the latest in an aggressive first week reversing contentious Bush policies, was warmly welcomed by liberal groups and denounced by abortion rights foes.

"For too long, international family planning assistance has been used as a political wedge issue, the subject of a back and forth debate that has served only to divide us," Obama said in a statement released by the White House. "I have no desire to continue this stale and fruitless debate."

YES!!! Obama KNOWS the real meaning of separation of church and state! He understands that it's our right to CHOOSE! The world is already getting better ... I could kiss this man.

skiski!!

2009-01-23T17:53:00.001-08:00

I went skiing last night! BAHA! My seasons pass has almost paid for itself. Lets see, I have been up the mountain 3 times. $200 divided by 3 = $66.666... (gasp! satan!!). It is like $40 for a lift ticket, so as long as I go a few more times it was a smart purchase, or perhaps just an equal purchase.

Anyways, last night was fun. I went with my ~~slutty~~ good friend Sarah. We chatted about what it would be like to get trapped on the lift overnight with no light and no one around. This resulted in us imagining the two of us zipping our coats together (like how you do 2 sleeping bags, to make 1 sleeping bag), around the pole in the the middle of the lift for warmth, then getting in a fight because I want to put on my 3rd pair of socks for additional warmth (yes, I brought an extra pair of socks in my pocket, don't judge me!), meaning that Sarah needs to hold my skis and boots while I do, so horribly inconveniencing her. Then planning to ultimately shimmy down one another (like Ross & Joey on Friends) to get to the ground.

Then this scenario took a nasty turn where in, the lights come back on and here we are, panicked, zipped up with two jackets around the chair lift pole, fighting over socks, and it turns out that it was only a brief 15 minute power outage and we completely over reacted and we look like idiots.

Ahhhh.... good times. Now watch the video below to see me jump 20 feet in the air, do a super double back flip and land it!

Oh, xbox 360 ... How I love thee!!

2009-01-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

I may have a slight problem. I am in love with my xbox 360. This a tough for many reasons:

1) It does not encourage any sort of physical movement. Therefore, I may become hideously obese or my muscles will waste away and I will lose all control over them.

2) It does not encourage me to be social. I looks people in the face and think, "I'd rather be killing people online right now." I'm going to lose friends, or eat them (see #1).

3) I refuse to wear my glasses so I squint for hours at a time while playing, resulting in serious deep wrinkles.

4) Sex with the xbox is hard and confusing.

5) Marriages to Xboxs are not legal.

So, yeah. I beat the game Bioshock! It was a good game. This game is rated M for mature and there are these little girls in it called "little sisters" and you either need to save or kill them so that you can live and they run around saying things (in creepy voices) like, "Hurry up! Angels don't wait for slowpokes!" - "I'm ready for dream time Mr. Bubbles." (Mr. Bubbles this their big body guard that is very hard to kill, but when you attack him they yell "KILL KILL!!").

It is a strange sense of accomplishment, but at the same time you really accomplished NOTHING except sitting on your ass, ignoring your friends, squinting at a TV screen and talking to your girlfriend about the game as if it's real life, "Omg! Jackie! I just have to get the boots, then I'll be a big daddy and I can kill Fontaine and harvest his Adam!"

So, I'm going skiing tonight for some good, much needed exercise.

O-FUCKING-BAMA!!!

2009-01-22T01:24:00.000-08:00

Alright.... I know it was like, SOOOOOO, yesterday but OBAMA MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!
Fuck yeah. Okay, the news keeps emphasizing the fact the he's the first black president and they keep showing black people crying n' shit. wtf?!! Obama is awesome for like a million other reasons and it's like a bonus that he's the first black president. One woman even said this (AND I QUOTE!!!):

Random Female newscaster AKA: pantsuit enthusiast: "You know, just to see the first family dancing on election night, WITH RHYTHM! was amazing!"

HAHAHAHaaaaaaa ! OMGZ! LOL!!11 the first family is black therefore they have rhythm because a good percentage of performers/atheletes are black. Jeez, lady are they also good at basketball and have amazing singing voices?!

ISN'T THAT RACISM?!! dumb bitch.

but yes. I love obama. we HAVE overcome (except for the pantsuit enthusiast).

ps- i'm drunk blogging so suck ma balls.

mission accomplished!

2008-12-22T21:49:00.000-08:00

Today started out rather slow because of the white stuff... and by white stuff of course I mean cocaine. Ha, just kidding or am I? Anyways, this snow is a bitch. As Lorelai Gilmore would say, "snow and I are on the outs!!"

Jackie and I head out to retrieve my car from outside a friend's house because I am a very responsible person who leaves their car in random places rather than drink and drive. I am such a good person. Anywayzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Jackie takes a turn down and snow filled alley and we get stuck. She goes bck and forth, back and forth ... to and fro to and fro ... and nothing. So, I get out to help push the car and even though I have ~~muscular dystrophy~~ giant muscles, I was not able to push the car out of the snow pile of death.

Well, alone comes a nice young person with a penis to help us push the car and off we go. We then turn down another side street and get stuck a second time!! Again, a nice man came along, gave the car a push and on we go. Jackie and I then ~~get in a giant fight~~ have a discussion regarding what to do from here because:

a) My car is on a side street and the side street is not being kind to Jackie's car
b) I don't want her to just drop me off and leave me stuck
c) there is nowhere to park without getting stuck

Eventually, we decide that she should stop at the local lumber store, and walk over to my car. I find my car hiding in a huge pile of snow. The snow has accumulated against my car from cars passing by pushing it up. So, dressed in my jeans and skate shoes I start digging my car out. Throwing snow behind me between my legs. It was super hot.

Then, unsure about the future of my car I GUN it. My car reeks, blasts black smoke from the exhaust and SHAZAMMM!!! my car is FREE!!! .... and then I went about my day and my car got caught like 4 more times. yippee. Oh, and it's stuck outside in 2 hour parking and there is nothing I can do. Ohs wells.

Holy balls!!

2008-12-15T15:00:00.001-08:00

Check out that picture! Click on it. Isn't that weird and awesome? It is an art instillation by Patricia Piccinini. She does some wonderfully weird stuff with her artistic talent. I do enjoy anything that makes me think "whoa! I've never seen that before."

Ahhh.... so refreshing!! Look her up, she's got tons more bizarre shit to make your brain feel fuzzy.

Demon, super demon!

2008-12-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

I think, possibly, my apartment is haunted by a demon or some sort of poltergeist. On several occasions I see my cats staring at something that is not there. Do they see something we don't? is it a dust speck or some evil force waiting to kill us in our sleep?

This morning I heard BANG BANG BANG. Then 10 seconds of silence. Then BANG BANG BANG again. This went on for an hour. It was very even, too even for any human. It sounded like someone was hammering something, but it was like circling the room. Maybe it was someone doing some strange carpentry in the apartment above us but really the sounds don't make much sense ... therefore it is a demon feasting for my brains. Do demons feast for brains?

In religion, folklore, and mythology a demon (or daemon, dæmon, daimon from Greek: δαίμων [ðaïmon]) is a supernatural being that is generally described as a malevolent spirit.

Well, I think we can all agree it does feast for my brains, and soul! I need to try some type of exorcism (not the exorcism of emily rose, too scary!) to get it to STFU because it woke me up too early this morning and that is uncalled for and rude.

Fuck you demon, I want my sleep.

tweet tweet!!

2008-12-13T00:19:00.000-08:00

Sooooooo ... looks like god, jesus, and all the angels shit all over us in the form of snow. Pip pip!! This means less sitting on my ass and more falling on my ass as I attempt wicked jumps on my super awesome snowblades (fuck you Sarah, let me be who I AM!).

In other news I am an island. No, wait. I'm on an island. Apparently, I'm supposed to be taking care of my mother who has got pneumonia. yeah. However, she doesn't listen to me and can't take care of herself. This leads to many frustrating conversations where I am constantly telling her to sit, eat, lie down, or (insert any action other than sleeping). Oh well, I think she'll be fine. She is in constant contact with her doctor so she's not going to leave and it let it get terribly bad.

The thing that sucks for me is that I can never sleep poperly when I am here. I don't know what it is but I always have the hardest time getting to sleep, and staying asleep is unheard of. Usually I bring some sleeping aid with me but I forgot them this time. All I want to do is sleep because it will mean tomorrow will be here sooner, but I can't. So I lie here, in the dark and clockwatch.

I'm so bored, I joined Twitter. I thought I'd never do it, mostly because the name twitter is really very gay and can suck my balls, also because I heard this guy Nick Starr uses it and like tried to commit suicide because he was in the closet and everyone knew he was gay, like a clay aiken (vomit!!) type situation. Anyways, I don't like that guy and so whenever I think of twitter I think of him and it makes me crap myself and eat it, and let me tell you that is not at all pleasant. But I joined, so fuck me.

If you'd like to follow my super twitters here is my home: twitter.com/angiethestrange

In other other news, I have a hive above my right eyebrow, it came out to say hi. Oy!

Fuck you global warming!!

2008-12-07T22:32:00.000-08:00

Goddamn! For the first time in my life I purchased a seasons pass to Seymour. Usually only make it up the mountain maybe once or twice if at all, but this year was going to be different. I was going to LIVE on the mountain.

I was going to build a fucking igloo, teach myself the art of hunting hare and live there with all my gear. There is nothing on the seasons pass that says I have to leave the mountain. Anyway, I have been finished school for a few days now and expected to be skiing my days away, but no. The mountain is not fucking open yet!! Stupid carbon emissions, fuck them for ruining this for me.

I'm going to go and do a snow dance. I think it involves a carrot.

On a somewhat different note, I randomly woke up at the same time as Jackie at about 7am after a night of drinking and going to bed at 3am and we were both in great need of hydration. So we got up and had many glasses of water.

Jackie then remembered that she had been given a sample of what is only the creepiest thing I have ever heard of. It is a "Hydration Disc". It is this little creepy disc that STICKS to the roof of your mouth, is lemon flavoured and slowly dissolves over the course of 4 hours. Supposedly this weirdo disc encourages salivation and keeps you hydrated. I personally think it's evil. Any thing that lodges itself to your insides and encourages bodily fluid production has to be satan spawn.

So her idea was to put this thing in her mouth, fall asleep and not wake up with a mouth like the desert and a tongue of leather but a mouth like a tranquil waterfall. This initiated this conversation:

"I'm gonna go use one of those hydration things."
"No! Please don't."
"Why not?"
"because it's creepy."
"No, it's not! It's fine."
"I don't think you're supposed to fall asleep with it in your mouth. You'll choke on it, and it's creepy."
"So? the package doesn't say to NOT sleep with it."
"So what? Saws don't have labels on them that say 'don't use this to access your brain' and you shouldn't do that."
"Brain doctors use saws."
"Jackie, please don't! It's so weird and creepy, don't do it."
"I'm doing it."

*Off she runs to get the hydration disc, she lies back down. Time passes.*

"You're worried aren't you?"
"Yes, I was actually imagining giving you CPR because you choked on that."

Eventually we fall asleep. I wake up to her making strange clucking noises and I look at her and she looks as if she's trying to dislodge something from her mouth.

"So?"
*sad face* "It didn't work. It's stuck to my mouth and I think it made my mouth dryer, I can't *cluck* get it *cluck* off. It's not dissolving."
"Interesting."
"I should have listened to you."

Angie - 1
Hydration Disc - 0

What's Wrong?

2008-08-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

So, here I am in California. In Santa Monica actually with my mom and my brother and sister in law. One would think I should be having a kick ass time, all expenses paid, nice weather, vacation.

Well, I am not. I want to be home. I have no idea how to explain it, but even though I am surrounded by people I feel as if I am in solitary confinement. I feel braindead and empty. The few times I feel as if my brain is engaged and somewhat normal is the few times I call Jackie or text her. Otherwise, I feel like a zombie with caustrophobia.

There is a lot of sitting around, not talking. Or talking about things that have already been talked about, or botox. I feel trapped. I wish at the end of today I could go home and be in my own apartment with my own stuff and my cats and girlfriend and relax. I don't feel like myself. I am like an empty shell trying REALLY hard to have a good time. But I tend to get ignored here, I mean I could involve myself in conversations, but they are BORING and repetitive. everyone saying the same thing over and over again. interrupting eachother with what they said 5r seconds ago, it is making me CRAZY!

.... and I can't drink. My family are all recovering alcoholics, so that leaves me dry. I have no one to go and have a drink with and no one to make me laugh. I haven't laughed and real laugh since I got here. I am not good at fake laughing. I can't tell if I'm just not good at being away from home or if my family is to blame.

Today my brother was kind enough to book a helicopter ride for us. I am terribly afraid of flying and just about has an anxiety attack when we got the airport. Why make someone fly when you KNOW they HATE HATE HATE it??? SO here I am, sitting in a tiny airport office alone typing this, waiting for my mom and brother to get back from their flight.

Also, I think this is the place where time stops. Time couldn't pass slower if it was made of cement and molasses. Everyone goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 6am ... and there I am left sitting up, alone, with no one to talk to. I don't think I haven't talked this much in my life.

Well, I have two more sleeps then I can go home and have a fucking beer and talk my face off about anything I want to talk about. Not about family gossip, flying, botox, facelifts or surfing.

Grievences of a Call Center Worker

2008-04-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

I have been working in call centers for quite some time now and there is some stuff that people do that PISS me off and will cause me to be a bitch to you. Here they are in no particular order.

1.) Asking for something you know you will need to write down and not having a pen ready. Omfg, this happens so much. It seems so simple but it seems everyone has some sort of retardation against the simple act of grabbing a pen. It doesn't even have to be a pen, a crayon works, or a piece of coal ... or even CARVE it into your arm for fucks sakes, just don't make me have to listen to your heavy breathing as you run around your house searching for a pen. Oh yeah, and the joke "Heh, you can never find a pen when you need it, but they're everywhere when you don't!!" isn't funny. shut up, find a writing utensil THEN call me.

2.) Not having the information needed. Now, I understand that you may not be able to know what information will be needed of you, but if you don't have that information near you or at all then TELL ME!! Don't 'hum' and 'haa' and groan and go 'umm...' and sigh and act as if I'm going to send you to detention if you don't have it. You're wasting my time! There are other ways of finding your account.

3.) Giving me information I didn't ask for. For some fucking reason in this business the word "account number" sounds like "email address" or "name". I have no idea why.

"Sir, can I have your account number please?"
"My e-mail address?"
"No, your account number."
"My name?"
"No, account number."
"oh ....*sigh* ....*groan*....*errr*"

Jesus christ!! When I ask for something I am not *secretly* asking for something else, that would be retarded. This is not a guessing game. You will not win anything, except maybe my fist in your face.

4.) Do not have verbal diarrhea. If the call goes something like this:

"Thanks for calling Customer service how can I help you?"
"HI, i just tried to log into my account and it's not work, i don't really understand because last night i was able to log and i even called you guys just to make sure that I was able to log in because 3 nights ago there was a problem with my account and i had to talk to technical assistance and I think the guy's name was Brad, or Bob? maybe Bryan? He managed to fix it for me, but now the same thing is happening and it makes no sense. Maybe I should restart my computer but I dunno if that will help I mean it doesn't seem to be a problem with the computer itself...."

STFU!!! I am not listening to you. You just gave me WAY too much information and I have NO idea who you are. You must understand that for any of the information to make sense we need to know who you are and pull up your account for some sort of reference. Give me a brief over view or 5 -6 words. "Account isn't working." and we will go from there and calm the fuck down.

5.) Turn down your fucking TV!! Seriously! There is nothing more frustrating than trying to understand what the fuck you are talking about while you BLAST a stupid reality TV show in the background. Is it that important that your TV needs to be at 80+ decibels? If it is, don't fucking call me!

6.) Don't put ME on hold. Do not call me then place me on hold to switch to the other line, talk to someone else in the house, serve a customer (yes, people call from work!) or whatever the fuck else it is you NEED to do in that moment. I will hang up on you. It's as simple as that you rude douchebag.

7.) Speak Clearly & Slow the FUCK down. Do not assume I have super powers. I am not able to discern through your southern accent the difference between M & N, G & P & C & D & B & V & T .... coming out of your mouth they all sound the same. Therefore, if you have a retarded email address (chances are you do!) like: hickman147jtgp@rr.bcsa.texas.com I am not going to catch it the first time you say it at lightening speed, you have no right to get irritated. This applies for phone numbers too, just speak at a normal pace and use the military alphabet, it will save you time in the long run.

8.) No Chit-Chat. Don't ask me personal questions, or about the weather or my relationship status or where in the world I am located. Would you do that to your bank teller or waitress? I am not here to have a conversation with you, leave me alone and let me do my job. I do not want to be on the phone with you for hours. Sure, you're probably lonely and ugly but making you feel nice is not part of my job.

9.) Learn SOMETHING about your computer. If you do not know what the terms 'Desktop', 'Start Menu', 'Caps Lock', 'Icon', 'Web Browser' mean and if Internet Explorer and Firefox are alien and scary to you. DO NOT CALL ME! Get someone else to call on your behalf who does know these things, because these words and programs are the basic vocabulary one needs to understand what the FUCK I am talking about. There are no replacements for them! If I get another person who starts looking around their desk when I tell them to go to their desktop I might just punch myself in the face. These conversations usually end up like this:

"Can you go to your desktop please."
"My what?"
"Your desktop, the area where all your icons are."
"Icons? what?"
"The very first thing you look at when you computer starts up."
"ummm.... I don't -- you want me to shut the computer down??"
"Sure, why not."
*Shuts computer down and it starts up again*
"Okay, now can you open internet explorer."
"open what now?"
"Your web browser."
"ummm.....*silence for 4 minutes* I'm 'fraid I don't know what that is."
"The little blue 'e'."
"OH... okay....click on it?"
"yes, double click...."
"...with the left or right button?"
"Left."
*enter sound of gun as I shoot myself in the face*

That's all for now. Suck my balls.

I don't understand why . . .

2007-12-23T06:50:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why people make small talk. It's one of those things that the human population has adopted that I find to be so annoying. Why would you want to tell someone a story that has no point.

"Today, I walked to my car and got in and I realized my shoe was untied, my laces were wet. Now my hands are wet."

fucking awesome! thank you for THAT! What I would like to hear is something more like....

"Today I walked out to my car and realized my show was untied, so I bent over to tie it and then bigfoot ran by and smacked my ass!"

... that is interesting. What compounds it though, is people talking to you in the elevator. Do people not realize it is a much better trip when there is no talking. I LIKE it when everyone just stares at the numbers counting down and pretends the other person doesn't exist or that they themselves are invisible. But no ...

"Off work now?"

"yeah...you?"

"yep!"

"your weekend?"

"no, my thursday..."

...then some joke is made about it ALMOST being the weekend followed by a totally lame and fake chuckle. What the fuck? Are we LIVING in office space? Do you have a case of the mondays?? *fake LOL* Again, get something interesting to say, or say nothing at all. Why are people SO weird about silence? Just chill out. Let it be.

Some thing else I don't understand are some peoples bizarre spelling mistakes. I answer e-mails all day and I get some unbelieveable stuff....

"I sea know were too registr." What they are trying to say is...

"I see nowhere to register." How the FUCK do you get that wrong? isn't 'see' one of the first words people learn to spell? I don't get it. I also spoke with a fairly elderly man who couldn't read. He had to spell out the error message he was getting.

I saw the movie Juno last night, it was very good. I recommend it to all. That is all. Merry Christmas!

I have been tagged...

2007-12-17T17:54:00.001-08:00

Caroline tagged me and now I have to do this thing...

Rules: Each player lists 8 random facts/habits about themselves. Post the rules at the beginning of your entry - before listing your crap. Then, pick 4 people and post their names at the end of your entry. Leave them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged.

Alright ---

1.) Hm... I have a severe fear of flying. Most people know this about me. I see people on a plane on TV and my feet start tingling, and my heart begins beating faster. Once I was on a 50 minute flight to Kamloops with my mother and I bawled and hyperventilated the entire time, causing a stewardess to come to my seat, crouch down and ask (ever so calmly) "is everything alright?" ... I felt like saying "NO! CAN'T YOU SEE were ALL going to DIE!? You crazy woman!" but I nodded as my mom explained my paralyzing fear of planes. I recently flew to California and for the first 37 minutes of the flight sat gripping the seat in front of me with my head between my legs.... and lived to tell the tale.

2.) I whistle a lot. Most of the time I don't realize I'm doing it and many people think I'm doing it because I am in some way uncomfortable but it's actually an unconscious habit that I have developed. Every now and then Jackie will grab me ... "BABE....stop, just STOPPIT!"

3.) I obsessively listen to Podcasts. They are like a complete addiction for me. It's like having awesome people to talk to all the time. I like Smodcast, Kevin smith is a funny funny bastard and so is his podcast. I also listen to the Skeptics Guide to the Universe. This is probably one of the more geeky things I do with my life. They argue about Evolution vs. Creationism, debunk fake psychics, rag on Scientology, talk about scientific advances and discuss all things skeptic. It's pretty awesome. If you're a Darwin loving freak like myself.

4.) I bite my nails. I noted this as I was just thinking of what to write and began to chomp on them. I can't remember a time in my life that I did not bite my nails, and I will never stop.

5.) A good part of my vocabulary was adopted from a baby. Yeah. I used to hangout with a little one named Sophia and she had very cute names for things and ways of responding to stuff which I adopted and haven't gotten rid of. Such as, responding to someone by saying 'oh.' saying 'Dergo' instead of 'there you go' and being called 'anGy' with a hard G.

6.) I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer.... a lot. I think it's brilliant and I haven't seen a show like it since, that mixes drama and comedy so successfully. They put the characters in every situation you can possibly think of. It's really more than meets the eye.

7.) I think people getting poked in the eye is insanely funny. Same with LOLCATS, I love them so much.

8.) Hear people chew their food, swallow their food or slurp their drink/soup makes me SO angry. Sometimes I need to remove myself from the situation it bothers me so much. THAT is the sound that makes me want to punch infants.

Tiny fingers, Tiny toes.

2007-10-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do with my blog. Now I feel the need to post my own photography along with explanations. So yea, here goes.

This foot belongs to Lucia May, my friend's very gorgeous daughter. I was trying to convey exactly how small her foot is, as she's growing everyday and it won't stay that way forever.

This is Adi, telling a very involved story while Lucy slumbers unaware of the goings-on around her.

This is Adi's hospital bracelet from the day she gave birth to Lucy. I also wanted to get photos of Lucy's bracelets but they, as far as I know, have been lost.

Jackie apparently having trouble finding something on the internet. It trips me out that Lucy is going to be growing up in a world where wireless phones, iPods, wireless keyboards, wireless mice and wireless internet are the norm. Princess Diana will be like JFK is to me (big deal psht.), terrorism will be part of her vocabulary and she won't have to learn this stuff, it will be innate, almost. I mean I still can't fully wrap my head around wireless internet, but for her it will be like "yeah so? it's wireless. Always been that way. It just is."

CAMERAS! cameras will be digital, always! no looking through a view finder, prints, slides, negatives... um what are those? The concept of going to a cafe without taking your computer, or the concept of a cafe WITHOUT wireless internet will be strange.

Instead of "When I was your age I walked 50 miles in the snow with no shoes fighting off Nazi's just to go to school!!" I'll be like ...

"When I was your age, we connected to the internet though the telephone and it was slow, there were no such things as Mp3s, we listened to tapes. No DVDs there were VHS, big black boxes that read the magnetic coding on a strip of Mylar tape and was motorized. Cameras used film and you couldn't see the pictures for days! The entire world stopped when Princess Diana died and I didn't know what terrorism was until I was 16. People used to go to cafes for coffee not the internet ... and music kicked ass!"

Oh what a life she will live.

Long live Banksy !

2007-09-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone has seen those stencils around Vancouver, some are vulgar others are very artistic. Well these are known as Banksy's, or at least Banksy knock-offs. Quick Bio:

Banksy is a well-known yet pseudo-anonymous English graffiti artist, possibly named Robert Banks. It is believed that Banksy is a native of Yate who was born in 1974, but there is substantial public uncertainty about his identity and basic personal and biographical details. However, according to Tristan Manco, Banksy "was born in 1974 and raised in Bristol, England. The son of a photocopier engineer, he trained as a butcher but became involved in graffiti during the great Bristol aerosol boom of the late 1980s." His artworks are often satirical pieces of art which encompass topics from politics, culture, and ethics. His street art, which combines graffiti with a distinctive stencilling technique, has appeared in London and in cities around the world.

Okay, so it's rare when I find a wealth of art that makes my head fill with fuzziness and envy at someones creativity, artistry and innovation and I really feel the need to share it with those who have not experienced it. Enjoy! :)

...and just to exemplify how cool this guy is check this out; At London Zoo, he climbed into the penguin enclosure and painted 'We're bored of fish' in seven foot high letters. At Bristol Zoo, he left the message 'I want out. This place is too cold. Keeper smells. Boring, boring, boring.' in the elephant enclosure.

fucking awesome!

http://www.banksy.co.uk/

Fish are kinda scary!

2007-08-01T19:27:00.001-07:00

This is just gonna be a post of fucked up shit that lives in the ocean that I have come across on the internet today. The ocean is scary ... and obviously doesn't think very highly of itself because these be some UGLY motherfuckers.

Back on the Blog Again...

2007-07-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I need to start blogging again, as I enjoy it and I don't write enough... it also allows time to pass at work which is nice.

So, for a while now I've been having a bit of an existential crisis, if you will. It started a while back, and it sort of comes and goes. Some days I don't think of it at all, and some days I wake up and think

"What if I die today??"... "How am I going to die?" ...

Now, I am by no means depressed, just VERY aware of the fact that perhaps I don't have control. That I may do everything right (ie- drive safely, look both ways, wear seat belt, chew my food properly) but something can still happen.

My friend was telling me that she witnessed a horrible accident at Arbutus and Broadway, in which a driver (attempting to avoid getting T-boned) drove onto the sidewalk and hit a pedestrian walking by.

"Blood everywhere."

Hearing the story thinking, 'Oh how terrible, wow that sucks! Poor woman...' graphic details ensued and then went about my business as usual, assuming the woman lived, since ambulances were there within 2 minutes and they tended to her quickly. Then I just happened to be driving by that area and saw flowers at the exact spot my friend told me the accident was. I pulled over, got out and read:

I will always love you.
R.I.P Grace Chan 1957 - 2007
Love,
Paul

my heart went cold ... whoa. She just died. She woke up that morning, and had NO idea that she was going to get hit by a car and die! I haven't really been able to stop thinking about it. I mean, apart from suicide, no one really knows when they're going to die. I guess older people, or people with terminal illnesses have a closer idea than someone my age.

The actual DATE that we are going to die passes us every year and we, unknowingly, go about our days not thinking about the possible future significance of the date that just passed.

For Grace Chan it was July 26th. This date passed her by 50 times! and she had no idea. I wonder where she was a year ago, and what she was doing on July 26th, 2006.... if it was just a lazy day where she hung out and read in the sun or if she was travelling or working... if she had a good last year ...

What is the date of my death?

I've also obtained a fascination with obituary photos. These people smiling, posing, laughing for the camera totally oblivious to the fact that that moment caught in time, that photograph, is going to announce their death.

I really don't like not knowing. My uncle recently died very randomly from an undiscovered tumour in his brain. Complained of a headache, then was dead 2 days later. This shit happens ALL the time. People drop like flies.

I have been very lucky. Death has only been on the periphery with me, taking down long lost relatives, friends of friends, people I once knew but haven't seen in ages... and so many people I know have been affected by close deaths in their family. Parents, siblings, children ...

It's like a ticking time bomb ... when is it gonna be me or one of my friends or family?

I would like a warning, if possible. I really would.

Grace - I hope you had a very happy and full life, though it was taken far too soon. I only know you in death but come next July 26th, you will be in my thoughts. Blessed be.

Statue Still.

2007-05-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

He just laid there on the dock, one arm hanging over the edge. The very tips of his fingers touching the water. The movement of the dock shifting his body ever so slightly.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

She stares at him from the other end of the dock. Sitting, knees to her chest, head on her knees. Her arms crossed tightly around her legs. She was beginning to get goosebumps as the sun was sinking in the distance. She knew she was cold but couldn't feel it. She was statue still.

They had an agreement. May 1st/07 that was going to be it. Their last day together, alive, on this earth. Whatever one wants to label it as. It was his idea to leave.

"No one understands shit like us." He would say. He wasn't religious, he just thought he knew the state of the world and what was to come. "There's just no point." Most Friday nights were him, a pack of Camels, a bottle of Whiskey and tirade of the ways of the world. Everything pissed him off, guns (though he carried one), education, war, global warming, money, and race. Everything.

"Can't fucking live in a world where motherfucking kids are fucking shooting each other and not carry a gun. This fucking society has forced me to carry this shit, I don't want a fucking gun! Guns are terrible." If you were equally as drunk as he was usually rants made sense, but only 50% of the time. This is when she'd chain smoke and nod, she'd keep a constant stash of cocaine to keep up with him and his late night philosophies.

"You know what I think?" She said one night. "We should just fuck off, you know? Get the fuck out of here. Go to fucking Thailand, live in the hills or fucking India, get away from this bullshit. Just live in happy blissful ignorance and indifference." She lights a cigarette.

He stares at her for a few beats and half smiles. He says in a sad tone, "If only it were that easy. There's bullshit everywhere. Fuck 'em." Their conversation went well into the early morning. She wasn't sure how it happened, but their plan had been fully formulated, down the the last detail.

May 1st.

For the next three days, he was happier than she had ever seen him. She kept the coke coming. There was no way her life would ever get better. You don't get over the death of your own baby. The world doesn't have that much cocaine.

His excitement mounted, she remained ambivalent. Life, take it or leave it. She didn't care.

7pm. They set off for the lake. He just kept talking about how amazing it was going to be. She smile and nodded. She felt as if she had been dipped in Novocaine. She couldn't even feel her own skin anymore. She kept looking at herself in the side view mirror to make sure she was still there. He took a swig of his Whiskey.

This was a lake in the middle of an industry park. No one swam in it as it was fully contaminated with gasoline and various chemicals put into the ground water by the warehouses and chemical plants surrounding the area. They knew they'd be alone.

They walked to the end of the dock and sat down. He opened his bag to reveal two hallow cement blocks and a length of rope. In silence he tied each end of the rope to a cement block, then using a pocket knife cut it in half, leaving two independent blocks with rope tied to them. He tied one end to his ankle, making sure it was tight. This knot wasn't going to come loose. He tied the other block to her ankle as she lay on her back looking at the sky for the last time.

"Ready baby?" he said looking over the lake, standing, fists on hips almost like Superman. She stood up. "Let's do it." She said flicking her cigarette into the lake.

They both stood at the edge of the dock, their blocks beside them.

"Okay!" He said. She noticed he looked scared. "Okay...." He said again not so sure of himself. "On the count of three, okay?" She nods.

"1....................2.....................3!"

With their free feet they both push the cement blocks off the edge of the dock. Violently the weight drags them down. Everything is green. He is close enough to her that she can see him. She grabs his hand.

For 27 seconds everything is quiet. Statue still. They both look at each other, hanging there, not attempting to save themselves. As her breath begins to run out she feels a wave of panic completely take over her. She begins kicking and flailing her arms. She looks over at him. He grabs her head and pulls it towards him, he places his mouth over his and breathes his last breathe into her lungs. The panic is temporarily subdued. He pulls a knife out of his pocket. Her head is pounding, her lungs are going to explode any second, she is struggling against the rope.

Then suddenly she feels light. Instinct takes over and she dashes to the surface. Gasping and coughing as she breaks through the surface. She takes in a deep breath and dives back down. She can't find him. It's too dark now. Where is he? She returns to the surface for another breath and back down. This time she finds him. Motionless. She grabs the knife at his feet and cuts the rope. His body naturally floats to the surface. She swims him to the dock and pulls him up, then collapses. Deep wheezing breaths escape her as she's trying to lift herself. She wants to do CPR but she's too weak, too light headed. She didn't understand what just happened. Maybe he knew she didn't want to die. Maybe he didn't want her to die. She didn't even know she didn't want to die. She didn't care. Live or die, take it or leave it. The confusion swims around her. She looks around, she's alone. At the opposite end of the dock she sees a coffee can with her name on it. She didn't remember seeing it when they arrived, she usually notices out of place things. She opens it. Inside is a note:

"And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."

...Here's for Thailand. - d

She reaches in the can and pulls out a check for $5,000.00. She stares at him from the other end of the dock. Sitting, knees to her chest, head on her knees. Her arms crossed tightly around her legs.

She was statue still.

My Fine is $395.60!

2007-04-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

Smoked pot -- $10

Done acid -- $5

Ever had sex at church -- $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40

Had sex with someone on Facebook -- $25

Had sex for money -- $100

Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20

Vandalized something -- $20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10

Beat up someone -- $20

Been jumped -- $10

Crossed dressed -- $10

Given money to stripper -- $25

Been in love with a stripper -- $20

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15

Ever drive drunk -- $20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50

Used toys while having sex -- $30

Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20

Went skinny dipping -- $5

Had sex in a pool -- $20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20

Masturbated -- $10

Done oral -- $5

Got oral -- $5Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25

Stole something -- $10

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25

Made a nasty home video -- $15

Had a threesome -- $50

Had sex in the wild -- $20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20

Peed in the pool -- $0.50

Played spin the bottle -- $5

Done something you regret -- $20

Had sex with your best friend -- $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25

Had anal sex -- $80

Lied to your mate -- $5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25

Went streaking -- $5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15

Been arrested -- $5

Spent time in jail -- $15

Tally it up and Re-Post it as..."My Fine Is..."

Just for Fun.

2007-04-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

HIGH SCHOOL SURVEY!

1. Who Were Your Best Friends? Adi, Fenn, Sarah

2. What Sports Did You Play? I played basketball, only for half of highschool though.

3. What Kind Of Car Did You Drive? 1988 Nissan Pulsar

4. It's Friday Night, Where Were You? anywhere but home.

5. Were You A Partier? yeah! and a party host. Hostess with the mostess!

6. Were You Considered A Flirt? The opposite actually, people always wondered why I refused to smile.

7. Ever Skip School? ha. You should be asking "did you EVER go to class?"

8. Were You A Nerd? About certain things.

10. Did You Get Suspended/Expelled? Once. For rollerblading down the hall and laughing at a teacher who asked us to stop... and continuing to rip around.

11. Can You Sing The Fight Song? We didn't have one.

12. Who Was Your Favorite Teacher? Ms. Hughes, she said the most random things to make sure people were paying attention. I started writing them down and had a list of "weird things ms. hughes says".... It included things like 'my hand writing is a spider on narcotics running across the page.' and 'He was a good man, he was a strong man, and liking bananas' . Oh and Ms. Sinclair! le sigh.

13. Who Was Your Least Favourite Teacher? Mt. Milanich ... liked his class but was so scared of him. Who hires an ex boxer as a photography teacher anyways?!

14. Favorite Class? Music composition and english!

15. What Was Your School's Full Name? Lord Byng Secondary School

16. School Mascot? a ghost named Elby (LB ... lord byng...get it?)

17. Did You Go To Prom? Fuck yeah.

18. If You Could Go Back And Do Your High School Years Over, Would You? Hmm... the school part yes! The home life no.

19. What Do You Remember Most About Graduation? Walking to the Chan Center for the grad ceremony with Fenn & Sarah our grad gowns slung over our shoulders on a really sunny day, laughing our asses off, just the three of us.

20. Favorite Memory Of Your Senior Year? The fact that no matter what time it was and which class you skipped, there was always someone skipping class hanging out at the brass doors that you could hang out with when you skipped class.

21. Where Were You On Senior Skip Day? dUdE! Everyday was senior skip day, but I think we actually went to some funding rally at the VSB

22. Did You Have A Job Your Senior Year? yes, Dominos pizza baby! YEAH!

23. Where Did You Go Most Often For Lunch? uhhh...My car? eating wasn't a priority at lunch, smoking was.

24. Have You Gained Weight Since Then? yep!

25. What Did You Do After Graduation? Had a potluck dinner with fenn's family and sarah's family... my family was too cool for school.

26. When Did You Graduate?2002

27. Are You Going To Your 10 Year Reunion? Yeah, it will be funny as shit.

28. Who Was Your Home Room Teacher? Fuck home room. Only losers went to home room. I honestly, have NO idea who it was because I refused to go. In grade 8 it was mrs. aaronson, she looked like a goblin who ate a basketball.

29. Who Will Repost This After You? no one.

30. Who Was President Of Your Class? President ... I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure they were Jewish.

Something is Fishy

2007-04-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

(....another short story by yours truly)

Jessica is 9 years old. She's been walking herself to school for 1 year and 2 months exactly. She leaves when the big hand and little hand look as if a piece of pie was stolen from the clock and eaten. She always imagined it was a house goblin who'd cut out the wedge then scurried off and hid while grinning madly at his mischief.

For the most part Jessica was a good daughter, sister and student. Her preference for wearing black as opposed to purple and pink like her female peers peeked her teachers interest but her sweet and quiet nature assured them that they had nothing to worry about. They had other students to worry about. Real trouble makers.

Jessica wasn't unliked by her classmates. She just was. She had her own routine and other kids learned quickly that at lunch time she liked to play by herself. Her "play" involved her back against a tree and book in hand. She knew every detail of her immediate surroundings when she was at that tree, down to the direction in which the grass grew and which blades had been munched on by various lawn dwelling creatures.

But nothing compared to her favorite time of the day; the end of the school day. Now, this is most children's favorite time of the day, but for different reasons. The sound of the bell brought a subtle smile to her face as other kids feverishly grabbed at their books and bags then chased each other or their parents down the hall. It was approximately 15 minutes before the halls were quiet again. She liked the quiet. She never understood the rush and she never would, even as a young woman.

After walking out the front door of the school it was 77 steps exactly to the first cross walk. She hurried across the first busy road. She passed 2 classmates, 3 dogs, 1 gas station, 13 trees, and 2 squirrels crossed her path. As she stood at the second crosswalk the excitement mounted. Looming in the distance was her destination; The pet store.

The crosswalk light changes and she hurries toward the store. Finally she steps in front of the automatic doors and they welcome her in as they do every day at 3:15pm exactly. Her Mary Jane's squeak across the floor and she passes the 1 dog food aisle, 1 cat food aisle, and 3 employees. She glances over, uninterested, at the puppies and kittens being hounded by other kids her age. They were there, everyday, begging their parents for a new cat or dog. She saw one young boy throw a tantrum that was so convincing he managed to even make his own nose bleed. His mother rushed him out of the store by the hand, speckles of blood in their wake. The girl at the front desk popping her bubble gum had a nose ring and bright blue hair. She watched unimpressed as the young mother scolded and spanked the boy just outside the front doors, catching clips of the conversation as the automatic doors opened and closed.

"If you ever do that again, you can't forget about Disneyla--"
"and if your father was here he would..."
"locked in your room for a month!"
"...how embarrassing that is?!"
"I can't take you anywhere."

The blue haired girl turns back to her magazine and quietly says to herself "...and that is the reason I am pro abortion..." she gave herself a little smile then continued reading her article.

Jessica hadn't seen that boy or his mother in the store since then. Which was okay with her. She liked the quiet. She continued to the back of the store and there it was. What seemed, to her, like miles of endless fish tanks. They glowed at her.

She got on her knees and started at the bottom tank. She scanned the gravel and skimmed the surface of the water, ignoring the brightly colored fish dancing inches from her face. She moved on the the next tank again scanning the blue and red gravel and investigating the water surface. This pattern continued for 3 or tanks until she suddenly stopped dead.

A mixture of pure excitement and a strange calm came over her. She stared dead pan into the tank. At the bottom of the tank was a fin-less, eyeless, discoloured dead fish. She stared at him as his lifeless body swayed with the current of the tanks filter. She studied him ignoring the other fish as they darted back and forth. She stayed with him for a while then moved on.

tank.
tank.
tank.

stop!

This fish was floating at the top completely dead. His eyes had been eaten out and he had a large hole where his stomach used to be. His open mouth and lack of eyes gave him a very vacant look, as if he were waiting for death and wasn't surprised when it came. Belly upward the other fish occasionally nibbled at the flesh hanging from the gaping hole in his stomach. Jessica decided he was her favourite. She sat crossed legged in front of the tank watching as he slowly floated his way around the tank. She stayed with him the longest.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees a store employee walking toward the tanks. A woman looking at the live fish stops him.

"Excuse me sir, there's a dead fish in that tank. I think it's been there for a while."
"Oh! So there is. Let me take care of that."

He reaches for a green net and carefully reaches in and pulls out the dead fish then plops it into a near by garbage can. He smiles to the woman and walks away. The woman is distracted by something in an aisle and disappears.

Jessica is alone. Now she's not staring at the fish, she's staring at the garbage can, chewing on her bottom lip. She slowly glances over her shoulder towards the cashiers desk. The blue haired girl is on her cellphone, oblivious to a customer waiting to buy a giant bag of cat food. Jessica looks over her other shoulder and sees no one. She slowly inches toward the garbage can. It was as if the garbage can was going to become spooked and run off if she made a noise. She looks into the garbage can, and there he was, alone at the bottom of the bin, half curled up with no tail just bones where his tail once was. Jessica takes another look around and quickly reaches in, grabs the fish and shoves it into her jacket pocket. She immediately stands up and begins walking toward the door with a slight worry in her eye staring at her feet. It is 23 steps exactly to the front door, then another 249 steps and she was home.

She opens the door, tossing her backpack to the side, and darts up the stairs. 13 stairs exactly. She slams her bedroom door and locks it. She takes her hand out of her pocket to reveal the dead fish, still wet from the tank. Some of it's skin has come off on her hand because she was clutching it so tight. Carefully, she drops him into a glass on water on her bedside table, he sinks to the bottom and settles on top of two other dead fish. They lie limp like plague victims piled on top of one another to be wheeled out of the city by a horse and cart.

"Now you're a family." She says smiling to herself. Proud, she looks around her room, grinning at the ten other glasses, full to the brim, with dead rotting goldfish.

SHUFFLE OF LIFE!

2007-03-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

SHUFFLE OF LIFE! *stolen*

here's how it works:

1. Open your library

2. Put it on shuffle

3. Press play

4. For every question, type the song that's playing

5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: Blonde's Notes - me! :)

Waking up: I Don't Remember - Peter Gabriel

First Day at High School: Toxicity - System of a Down

Falling In Love: Better Version of Me - Fiona Apple

Fight Song: Daddy's Getting Married - Bif Naked

Breaking Up: Who Invited You - The Donnas

Prom: You Probably Couldn't See for The Lights But You Were Staring Straight at Me -Artic Monkeys

Life: Freak Out - Avril

Mental Breakdown: Big Wave - Pearl Jam

Driving: Paper Shoes - Incubus

Flashback: Gimme Gimme Gimme - A Perfect Circle

Getting Back Together: Have You Ever - Incubus

Wedding: Nothing & Nowhere - Emily Haines

Birth of Child: Everything Zen - Bush

Final Battle: Something - Me

Death Scene: Nothing Really Matters - Kruder & Dorfmeister

Funeral Song: Galaxie - Blind Melon

End Credits: Sad For Me - No Doubt

Afternoon Ramblings ...

2007-03-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

Okay ... I am as Pro-Choice as the next person. Possibly even pro-abortion depending on the person, but I was thinking ... there is this sort of double edged sword for the guys involved.

So think about it ... Jack & Jill fuck, consentually, without protection. Jill gets pregnant and tells Jack. Jack knowing his financial situation and maturity level says, "No... I don't want this baby, can't afford it, can't care for it ... I'm too young, not responsible enough. Can't handle it."

Jill decides to have it anyways ...

Jack and Jill break up. Jill is left with the baby, alone. Jack is not supportive financially, and he is AWOL. Now EVERYONE is a Jack-hater for abandoning his baby mama.

Arguments for hating Jack are:
"It's his baby, he got her pregnant. He shouldn't be having sex then if he can't be responsible for his actions/consequences. Support your baby."

Now a typical conservative Christian Pro-Life argument:
"It's your baby, you got yourself pregnant. You shouldn't be having sex if you can't be responsible for your actions. You have to keep the baby."

Now, if a pro lifer said that to a young pregnant girl everyone would jump down this person's throat. But a supposedly liberal person will easily say this to or about an absent father. We all freak out about it, but Jack doesn't have a choice. He voiced his opinion and didn't ask for it, why is it okay for us to "force" these men to "take responsibility" but we protect women's rights to avoid them?

Granted, this is all based on the idea that the guy is super honest and knows that he can't handle a kid and communicates that. But, why ... if it isn't his choice should he be EXPECTED to stick around? When we don't expect women to have to suck it up and take responsibility and keep it.

All morals aside, just think about it. It's a bit of a paradox.

Morning Ramblings.

2007-03-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

It's strange to me that global warming has become a religious argument. I mean, I understand technological optimists verses people who don't believe human beings can solve every problem on earth using technology. ..

"Some day we will be able to have robots with emotion and they will be our slaves. Instead of going to school we will download information into our brains!"

Ahem. I hate to say the world is flat, but give me a fucking break. I suppose it's possible ... actually, no I don't. Emotions are such an arbitrary thing without structure, how can you create that?

Oh! Here's a pile of wires and scrap metal ... make it cry, fall in love and laugh. You could make it look sad and install some sort of water system that creates tears, but that's not the same. Anyways, I'm so digressing it's retarded.

Global warming. religious issue. why? What does religion have anything to do with this? How come massive logging of the amazon forest isn't being supported by the crazy evangelists of the world? or the giant massive cloud of cancer floating above Los Angeles, or the killing and selling/eating of nearly extinct animals?

Why have they chosen global warming of all the environmental issues in the world to actively fight against? I suppose there are 2 fairly obvious reasons:

1.) Global warming is hard to prove. I hate to call it a theory, but it is very hard to prove. Don't get me wrong, I am fully in support of the whole 'stop global warming' issue because even if it's false, we'd still be helping the earth and all that shit. However, being a geography student and well, the smartest person ever ... I fully understand how people can easily choose to treat it as a non-issue.

2.) George Bush. He is actually, I think, the ONLY reason this has become a religious issue. This is because he is a religious leader and his voting demographic is religiously based. Unfortunately of the rest of us. I say he probably is the only reason, because (and I know this is a fairly ignorant thing to say, but I'm saying it anyways) I don't believe a bible belt would have randomly decided Global Warming wasn't an issue and taken the initiative to begin fighting against it. I mean, why would they? I think if Dubya had proclaimed that we needed to fight against the harm we are causing to God's beautiful creation or some shit, they'd all be like "fuck yeah! let's do it!" ... well, probably more like "oh goody, yay god! Jesus BFF for life! lol!!" or something less profane, if you will. For a group of closed minded ignorants they really are quite impressionable.

It's really unfortunate that climate is so unpredictable, that it's an expensive problem and that Bush masturbates with his bible every night. George W. Bush is gay for Jesus.

I've noticed that people with blind faith in God, in such a way that breeds hate against others always have really empty eyes.

It's such a HUGE step backwards in the evolution of civilization. The greeks had it going for them, they understood and praised the notion of abstract thought. The entire civilization was based on considering everything, and discussing everything and trying to find out WHY? They had hundreds of gods, because everyone was so open to everything because that was the climate they had created for themselves.

... and now look. You try and have a slightly abstract conversation with an empty eyes person and it's as if you've started speaking in a totally strange language. Poor greeks, all that hard work for nothing.

just a little fyi fyi fyi

2007-02-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethyltryptamine

A short story... by yours truly!

2007-01-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

Sigh. She swiftly walks down the hall toward the elevator. Her appointment ran late and now she's going to be late for her lunch meeting. 'Lunch meetings!' she scoffs to herself, 'They're such a joke.' She looks down and wipes away a small piece of lint from her skirt. Her briefcase held strongly in her hand as she presses the button for the elevator.

ding. ding. ding.

The elevator slowly descends to the 19th floor, 18th floor, 17th ... 16. The elevator door pries itself open, allowing her entrance. She steps into the elevator discreetly examining her own reflection in the perfectly reflective walls.

Her nose twitches. Oh, the strong scent of male cologne. She sights the source. A young, brown haired male standing, clean cut, staring at the numbers counting down. Paying no mind to the business woman staring intently at him.

'Oh my god.' She thinks. 'Is .... is that him??' She quickly looks at her feet as her heart begins pounding in her ears. She takes a second brief peripheral glance.

It's definitely him. him. him. The man who she caught, earlier that year, fucking her girlfriend in his car outside their apartment.

'Asshole!' She thinks. Obviously she's not over this encounter as her face becomes red with anger and jealously. The grip on her brief case becomes hard clenched, her knuckles whiten. In a moment of pure insanity she flicks the emergency stop button on the elevator.

He looks at her, and she at him.

"Aren't you ...?" he begins, but before he can finish his question is answered by a swift knock upside the head with heavy briefcase. His knees buckle and he grabs his head. The pain in his head causes him to bend forward. His nose immediately collides with a very intent and hard knee. His head snaps back and blood begins pouring from his nose, through his fingers, onto his white dress shirt.

She looks at him, and him at her. The blood, seemingly, unstoppable.

She wheels around and elbows him on the side of the face, which is quickly followed up with a hard jab to the stomach. He slides down the elevator wall clutching his broken bleeding nose and his stomach.

She stands there, poised, ready for anything. He's no longer looking at her, just groaning in agony on the floor of the elevator. Suddenly, out of nowhere....

"Isn't this your floor?" She hears a male voice echo. She continues staring. "um... Miss? Your floor?" She feels a tap on her shoulder. Her head snaps around, she sees the man staring at her, holding the elevator door open.

No blood, clean shirt, nose unbroken.

She looks to the floor of the elevator. There is no bloodied beaten man.

"Uh, yes this is my stop." She says, confused.

"Perhaps you should get off." The man says, raising an eyebrow as the elevator door lurches at another attempt to close.

She gives him a mild smile and steps off the elevator. As the doors close him in she takes a brief glance back.

'Whoa, totally not the same guy ... at all!' She thinks surprised. Maybe it's time to move on.

Closure.

Safety dance in safety pants

2007-01-27T15:59:00.000-08:00

I have had, what seems to me, to be a fairly note worthy day. Shall I tell you about it? I shall. *ahem* After a night out of drinking, dancing (see attached photo), laughing, smoking and so on, I woke up at 8:30am feeling okay. Until I opened my eyes. At this point everything comes back to me in the form of a headache and nausea.

There I am sitting on the bed staring at my pants. I need to put those on, I tell myself. I'll do it in a second, I respond. I then realize after sitting perfectly still for about 5 minutes, not doing anything, staring at my pants, that I was procrastinating, possibly even avoiding putting on my pants. Finally after cursing the fact that I have to wear pants at all, and vowing to some day abloish such an inconvenient task, I get dressed and head out the door to walk myself home (from Jackie's) .

Okay, I thought, fresh air is good... and it was until a spontaneous cough turned into a painful dry heave that had me diving into an alley to avoid hurling on a mother and young son that were walking my way on the sidewalk. Fortunately, I didn't vomit. False alarm.

I arrive home. Stomach contents in place to find Adi sitting on the couch. She tells me that our landlady FINALLY agreed to giving us Feb rent for free. Good news! then as I'm sitting on that couch I realize that puking is the answer to all my problems.

The mere thought of this places my gag reflex in motion and off I go.

I puked REALLY loudly. Once finished, before even brushing my teeth, still teary eyed and red in the face, I trot downstairs in hopes that my roommate will shower me with praises over the fact that I puked.

"I PUKED! DID YOU HEAR ME!! ? :D"

She wasn't as excited as I hoped. Then my day starts looking up, I feel better, and I don't have to pay rent. Then Adi hollars from upstairs "MIKE HAD SEX!"

OMG! STFU! GTFO!

No lies my friends. Mike got laid. Mike is my third roommate. He has been trying to get laid since he moved in. The fact that he finally did makes me happy because he is a very nice, good looking, talented and funny guy who deserves some sex! WOMEN SHOULD BE LINING UP!

So let us recap: Vomit, no rent, mike had sex.

Alright so I arrive to work EARLY! ha! suck it Houlahan! After an hour or so of working, my empty stomach begins growling and I head to the kitchen for some vending machine hangover love. And what do I see?

A TABLE FULL OF SANDWICHES!!

Fuck yeah x 30! This is THE BEST thing on my hang over day. They were good sandwiches too. mmm. And it's super slow here at work so I am able to slack off and not feel guilty about it!

So lets see: Puke, No rent, Mike + sex, Free food, & slack day!

LOVES IT.

I kick my own ass.

2007-01-22T21:42:00.000-08:00

She looks EXACTLY like this.

EXACTLY.

black ho's son! wont you cum? lol @ me.

2007-01-12T19:10:00.001-08:00

Have you ever pondered what the sun might look like close up? Well, I was lucky enough to be one of the rare humans who has seen the sun's surface and it is really quite a beautiful sight. I was even skillful and stealthy enough to sneak a photo of it. I will only post this for a limited time so enjoy it while you can. You're welcome. Scroll down please.

Making up for lost time...

2006-12-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

So, there are three things I have been meaning to blog about for some time but haven't gotten around to it. So here we go:

1.) Please view the picture. I work in a call center, and through out this call center are mini "kitchens" in which there are fridges, sinks, microwaves, and paper towel dispensers (as pictured). Now why I'm blogging about this is because of the sticker on it; "Please pull paper towel straight down.". These did not come with the towel dispenser itself! They were put on as an after thought by someone who works here. My first instinct when I saw them was "WTF?" because who would care that much!? Yeah alright, it is a little annoying when you grab a paper towel and it's just a tiny bit of the previous towel, but then you grab and new one and go on your way. The fact that people pulling the towels at an angle other than 180 degrees from the dispenser bothered a person enough for them to create at least 10 stickers and run around the call center placing them on ALL the towel dispensers, creeps me out. Like, why not just put one on the paper towel dispenser closest to you? So that you can enjoy full length paper towel anytime of the day? Why did you, mystery person, feel the need to paste these all over the call center? I don't care if people aren't pulling them STRAIGHT down. So, case and point; you are a big weirdo with too much time on your hands and you need to relax. You paper towel obsessed freak!

2.) One night my girlfriend comes home with 2 large bottles of stolen *gasp* wine from a catering job she had just finished. We decided to drink it, and we did. With my roommate, Mike... and we decided to do this in front of a blazing fire. Yes, I have a fireplace... jealous? Anyways, we all got pretty toasted (literally) and lost our inhibitions. This resulted in us torching the ENTIRE white pages. Chucked it right in the fire. That's pretty much it. We burned the phone book.

3.) Last night, me and Jackie go to bed and I say "Yeah I don't think I have ever turned your down for sex!..." in which she replies with "yeah well ... I don't check in with my dentist once a month..." wtf? apparently she was asleep. Fell asleep MID conversation! It wasn't even as if I had been rambling for a long time! She's narcoleptic, I swear.

Happy New Year!

omfg ... gtfo!

2006-12-29T19:19:00.000-08:00

So, here we are. Another Christmas come and gone. Mine went very well considering the past Christmas morning visits from Mr. Crack Addict, Sir Cocaine face, Monsieur Hangover, and Ms. Suicide Attempt.

Do you feel uncomfortable yet?

Anyways, yes. Everyone was sober, and no one was depressed. The only odd thing was my brother, who is 33, acting like a 7 year old ... but that's not really that odd, in retrospect. For me anyways. Perhaps it was odd for my girlfriend who got flung over the side of a couch and flashed us all her thong. She liked it though so whatever.

Lets talk about what I got for Christmas! :D Herpes, the clap and vaginaitis! I made that last one myself. Homemade gifts are always much more appreciated. Just like the wonderful photographs my girlfriend printed off for me. Love her. This was my first Christmas out and with my girlfriend..... 'twas awesome, because of her.

GO CHRISTMAS!

Shotgun? please!

2006-12-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

I usually reserve this place for things that are funny, as I enjoy making people laugh and I personally think I am quite hilarious, but today prepare for pure, unrated, uncensored rage.

Cunt. I don't even know you and I hate you. No good has come from your brief presence in my life. You make me hate myself ... the passing mention of your name ties my stomach into knots of pure unmitigated anxiety, the unexpected sight of you sets off my flight or fight. I have thought more about punching you in the face than anyone else I have come in contact with.

I wish I could erase you. I wish I could erase any memory that I have of you. You have altered my life and my trust in people drastically and I haven't had a full conversation with you. I want to abort you from my brain and flush it all away.

You are a fucking malicious malignant cancer that refuses remission, and I want a break. I want to vomit you out or amputate you ... but I can't do anything about you. I am helpless, I'm angry with myself that I let myself get so angry with you, but honestly I am just so tired of your face and your name. Helplessness breeds anger. The occasional lash out from a caged dog isn't uncommon. I fucking hate you.

I hope you find happiness in a city far far away from here.

Is it safe to say? C'MON! C'MON!

2006-12-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

Here is a questionnaire that arrived in my gmail today. I don't know why any of you would WANT to know this information about me ... nevertheless, enjoy ... (you creepy creepy perverts):

1.) Where did you ring in 2006?
In a giant mansion in West Van ... very very very drunk as there was an open bar and unending alcohol, with paid bartenders and cooks and it was the biggest house I have ever been in. I spent the next day vomiting my eyeballs out, my spleen, kidneys, liver, lungs ... bulimics eat your heart out (then throw it up again).

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?

um...alive, single-ish. I was exploring *ahem* my options ... if you will. For the most part I didn't give a shit that it was Valentines day. Although I got free candy of the deal so, suck on that.

3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?

Yep! Why? Are you calling me stupid?! fuck you.

4.) How did you earn your keep?

Working for Teligence and bodog.com ... whoring myself out, selling babies on the black market ... oh oops, sorry the "colored" market.

5.) Did you have to go to the hospital?

umm... it wasn't so much of a "HAVE" as it was a "WANT" but by law I'm not allowed to discuss the sex with dead bodies ... : er... i mean "incident".

6.) Did you encounter the police?

Did *I* encounter the police? no... i didn't. But generally I think police encounter *YOU* not the other way around. Oh actually, I did ... I got pulled over for not having "insurance" on my car. oops... learned from that mistake.

7.) Where did you go on vacation?

Nowhere ... in the passed year ... bellingham, really cannot call that a vacation though. Victoria for 22 hours ... that was fun. Hmm... I feel as though I am going to become a victim of identity theft any day now... *shifty eyes*

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?
LOTS AND LOTS OF PROSTITUTES!! ... totally worth it. To read more about me and my STDs click here. haha, just kidding, did you actually click there? You loser.

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?

Yep, Fenn, Anton and her dad! w00t! Those three way incestuous marriages never make sense to me, but kudos to them I guess.

10.) You know anybody who passed away?

No ... but if i did ... thanks for fucking reminding me and making me all sad and shit. you fucking asshole.

11.) Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?

run into, run over ... tomato toMAHto. errr.... yes, lots ... so i wrote this: Dear people from high school, I know I use febreeze and it smells really good but that's not valid excuse to follow me around... anymore. Consider yourself warned. HAGS! -ang

12.) Did you move anywhere?

hmm.... nope. like i'd tell you anyways.

13.) What sporting events did you go to?

lol @ sporting events.

14.) What concerts did you go to?

NOT YOURS! ... Metric at the Commodore, Metric in Victoria, about 5 or six Hey Ocean shows, Um...Lady Sovereign, Five Alarm Funk ....

15.) Are you registered to vote?

Nope I'm boycotting voting! apparently voting for yourself isn't allowed. That's such crap.

16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?

If by 'patriotic duty' you mean gluing quarters to the floor then watching as old ladies painfully down to pick them up, then whacking them over the head with a tire iron, then dragging their dead bodies back to my place where I dress them up and have a tea party then yes. Did YOU?!

17.) Where do you live now?

Um... no.

18.) Describe your birthday.
Drinking + bowling ... need I say more ?

19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?

umm.... get myself back in a long term relationship. *gasp*

20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?

Not having sex with Veronica Mars when I had the chance ;) ... Oh! no wait, learning to become a better e-liar. heh.

21.) What's something you learned about yourself?

That i have a serious addiction to MSN emoticons. Like, I'm totally fucking serious.

22.) Any new additions to your family?

Girlfriend, felix the cat, oh ... and that HUGE pussy green thing that's started to grow on my ass.

23.) What was your best month?

August ... I could go into gross romantic details about my wonderful sexy girlfriend, but it's un-needed. Just funny how life surprises you. ... OH NO! I mean *enter funny/sarcastic answer here* right?!

24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?

I could list LOTS since i am a total pop culture internet whore and few internet pop references go passed without me catching them, but im not going to because none of you will get it ... but one is: 'In yer inbox, needin 2 b blogged.' but you wont get that. so suck my non-existent yet hairy man balls.

25.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (shitty) to 10 (excellent)?

ten ten ten ten ten!!! (with a few moments of 1) :( but 10 overall :D *high five!*

Welcome to December.

2006-12-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome to December! On the right you will see a sentimental ornament hanging from the branch of a Douglas Fir. If you look to the left of the ornament you will see a tail of tinsel, if you follow the tinsel to the bottom you will find several boxes consumed by festive wrapping paper.

Please note the music about snow, chestnuts, santa, reindeers and Jesus. Interestingly enough, this music is very commonly found in December, it is almost never found anywhere else.

...yeah, please excuse me while I vomit in the corner.

ps- the baby Jesus thinks you're a stupid fuck.

This shit is bananas ...

2006-11-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Gwen,

Your new album sucks.

Yours truly,

-Angie

PS- WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR HAIR!?! ugh.

PPS- ... seriously, you USED to be cool. *hermpf*

PPPS- I illegally downloaded your album, and you know what?! I'D FUCKIN DO IT AGAIN! except that i wouldn't because it SUCKS so hard!

PPPPS- Honestly, please change your hair. It's just embarrassing. I don't care if you have a kid, it's just wrong G ... c'mon. You know better. This is worse than those pink cornrows ... at least those were funny. There is nothing funny about your hair. Change it. now.

(sniffle)

You're German? Well, that's okay then!

2006-11-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

The above picture, in case you're unaware, is Hilary Duff. Ain't she sexy? Oh, now now ... settle down, she's taken. I know it's by a man like 500 years older than her, but it still counts.

Anyways, while I do have my opinions of H.Duff, this is not the subject of my blog today. The reason I am blogging is that I realized 2 things today:

#1 - That the new Windows Vista is a total Apple/Mac rip off.

#2 - That I forgive people for being unattractive/ugly if they aren't from Canada or the USA.

Is that a form of racism? I think it is.

That's all.

Have you ever ... ?

2006-11-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

Have you ever ordered a beer and looked down and noticed that it was smiling at you, in the manner of a Jack-o-Lantern? ... Well I have. Oh! Look there is a picture, how handy!

Have you ever walked into a hole-in-the-wall bar to find it full of so many burly gay men you'd think you were at a lisp convention? Then walked to the back, passed a man peeing into a trough of ice, to find a completely isolated table of rowdy lesbian friends? Well I have, just last night in fact!

Have you ever gone to a gay bar that plays such horrible house music, that your ears immediately attempt suicide? ... yeah, me too.

Have you ever sat in a room SO full of cigarette/cigarello smoke that you yourself actually transform into a burning cigarette? and whilst sitting in this room of airborne cancer you are watching your girlfriend's bestfriend light a cigarette backwards (the filter end) , then actually hand her a lighter to try and relight the wrong end again, and NOT tell her that she's lighting the wrong end for fear of embarrassing her? Well, I have.

Have you ever been groped by a 35 year old woman, who has just told you 5 times in a row (literally!) that she's having a girls night on wednesday, and that you should "REALLY" come? and that her 16 year old son died a year ago?

EXAMPLE:
woman: "what are you doing wednesday?"
me: "I dont know!"
woman: "I'm having a girls night at my house, you should come."
me: "alright, i'll see...."

*short pause*

woman: "Do you have plans for wednesday?"
me: "ummm...."
woman: "Because if you don't I'm having a girls night...."

*blink blink*

Etc... x 5!

Have you ever been pinching and kicking your girlfriend under the table to try and get her to save you from said woman, who is touching you in various places you don't want to be touched, but your girlfriend is purposely ignoring your S.O.S calls? Yeah... me, again.

Oh, sunday nights are great at the pumpjack. *hungover*

Why you gotta be such a BITCH!?!

2006-11-11T19:15:00.000-08:00

Hi. I look like an alien in this picture. Let me give you a little background to this picture. There was alcohol and boys named taylor involved. That's pretty much it.

The above picture is Taylor. This picture was taken back in 1977, when we were stranded on a deserted island. Taylor became crazy and ate his whole hand. It was a little bit of an over reaction considering we were only stuck on the island for 15 minutes. Oh well. His loss.

I have 4 words for this above picture. LOL AT HIS FACE!

... and in case you didn't know, I have copious amounts of love for my girlfriend.

I don't know what to say about this picture other than that I am one fucking sexy ass bitch and I know you are all touching yourselves, or at least thinking about it. Am I right?

Yo yo, don't joke wif us moo' folk. I ain't gonna go completely off the rail, yaknowwhutimean?

[/end picture blog]

Do Blondes have more Fun?

2006-10-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

Yep. I am blonde. Finally. If it were 1996 I'd be shitting myself, and demanding everyone around me told me that I looked "just like Gwen!".

So, do blondes have more fun? Well ... let's see.

a) It took a total of 7 hours for them to get my hair like this. First of all they washed my hair with something that "opened my cuticles" that made my head burn and made my nostrils shrivel up and die and my eyes water.

b) They began applying the dye, which was one of the more uncomfortable experiences in my life. The burning was horrid and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. It was a really bad itch that you can't reach, it made me crazy.

c) After about an hour of covering my head in burning bleach from hell and tin foil they place a bag over all of it and tell me to go sit for an hour and let it incubate. Fun. Ever tried to sit still while your scalp is being removed with a corrosive acid? Well, I have! and I feel a littel violated. It was burning into my flesh! Without my permission nonetheless.

d) Finally they wash it out and lo and behold, my scalp is bleeding! HA!

e) .... but I do look sexy ;)

f) Now, my scalp is covered in scabs that hurt more than you think and feel weird. I have named my scab cluster 'Eugene'. Eugene is sexy.

g) I am not allowed to wash my hair until tomorrow, therefore it looks TOTALLY crazy and frizzy and dry and so I'm wearing a hat.... and I don't feel very clean. *sniff*

So, do blonds have more fun? Well if you consider burning sensations, bad hygiene and scabs fun, then yeah ... they REALLY do.

..... however don't get me wrong, i really like it..... ;)

oh jesus!

2006-10-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

MIAMI, Florida (Reuters) -- A leaping stingray stabbed an 81-year-old Florida boater in the chest, authorities said Wednesday, leaving its poisonous stinger lodged close to his heart in an incident recalling the one that killed Australian TV naturalist Steve Irwin last month.

Fire Department officials in Lighthouse Point, about 30 miles north of Miami, said James Bertakis was in a small recreational boat with two grandchildren Tuesday when the spotted eagle ray leaped aboard and struck him.

"It's just a real freak thing," Lt. Mike Sullivan told Reuters, saying the incident occurred on Florida's Intracoastal Waterway, where stingrays are rarely seen leaping in the air.

"For an 81-year-old man he's in really good shape," Sullivan added, saying Bertakis was expected to make a full recovery after surgery at a local hospital to have the stinger removed from his chest.

----------

Okay, first of all do you people realize how RARE it is for sting rays to attack like this? Okay, the crocodile hunter was messing about with the fuckers in their own habitat. It makes sense one of them was gonna have a bad day and lash out, it just so happened to be at celebrity and it's all over the news. After reading about Irwin, I did a little research because I always thought that sting rays were harmless. I don't even think that I knew that they had the capacity to attack someone. I guess I just thought that they had a really cool pointy tail, like those freaky cats with no fur.

I digress ... my point is, there has only been 2 -3 confirmed cases of string rays actually attacking and killing people, one of those being Irwin, another was a 14 year old boy who stepped on one....

...and now the fuckers are JUMPING ON BOATS (well, they don't "jump" per se but you get my point) and going manson on helpless old men!? They must be really pissed off about something, either that or we have a serial killer on our hands. Maybe they're pissed off about the amount of pollution in the ocean, and all the sea life had a vote. They voted that sting rays take care of the problem. WHY? well because we wouldn't see it coming! Think about it, most fish are too small to cause any real damage and the sea animals that can cause damage everyone avoids. Sharks have teeth, Eels buzz, Barracudas are ugly, piranhas also have the teeth, and killer whales ... well just look at their name.

So they chose the string ray. This is vigilante justice from the sea! These string rays are pissed, and we better listen. They will stop at nothing to meet their demands.

Aww... they're like green peace only slimier and less human!

Avatar sex !

2006-10-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out how to make those trendy avatars that look like you! and well, I got a little over excited. The one at the top is me, at work, looking all sexy as I *ahem* ALWAYS do. Don't worry, I know it's true.
This is me angry. Yeah, watch out mother fucker pimpin ho bitches. I'll fuck you up. That's right. I grab you by your face and kick you in the balls. Then I'll grab that trash can over there and put you INSIDE it. Then I'll duct tape the lid closed. Then I'll put you in the trunk of the teal mobile and I'll drive you up and huge ass hill. Then I'll take you out of my mutha fuckin' car and I'll roll you down the mutha fuckin' hill. How would you like that huh? That would make you fuckin' dizzy! Dizzier than any other time you've been dizzy. I bet you'd even puke, that's so like you to puke.... from being dizzy. Gross. Get away from me.
This is me tired. It's really freaky how on this thing is, because this is EXACTLY how I look when I'm tired. Crrrreeeeeppppyy. *shifty eyes*

Me: "OMG! Did you just see that?!! IT WAS A GHOST! all bloody and chanting something about unpaid taxes ... hold me?"

OR!

Me: "Fuck, I just totally shit my pants. Like big time."

This is me. Either hungover or dead. I can't decide. Jackie pointed out to me that, if I did indeed die, then I wouldn't be able to post this icon. So it's existence is pointless. How sad for it.

Well, that's all folks. Now, if you ever miss me simply visit my blog and it will take you through the rollcoaster of my emotions. ;)

Conspiracy Theorum

2006-10-10T16:55:00.000-07:00

Okay. Panic at the Disco is evil. They may possibly be a government run mind control program. I have been kept up many nights because one of their catchy pop choruses is running through my head. Over and over and over and over and over. It's driving me absolutely insane. I have one in my head as I am typing this.

First of all. Where the hell did these guys come from? They literally popped out of NOWHERE. Just BLAM, single after single. What's up with that? and they all look the same! Cloning experiment perhaps?

Also, the singer whose name is Ramen (wtf?), bothers me on several levels. He doesn't actually DO
anything. He does not write the lyrics or melodies. It's one of the guitarists who does that, because he's too shy to sing and his voice isn't powerful enough. He is a facade! ... and looks like mama's boy. Eyeliner obsessed FREAKS!

... ugh. I liked them, when I first heard them. But now it's like I've totally over eaten and I just want to vomit them up. Then flush them down the toilet.

mehhh.... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

ps- if you re-arrange the letters in their name it becomes: 'Pathetic, sad icon.' Justsaying.

Turkey Lurkey

2006-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

I ate you... and I enjoyed it. I smothered you in cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes like there was no tomorrow, and you know what? I'd fuckin' do it again!!

I had the most amazing weekend. No jokes kids. Absolutely sublime. My roommates were away for the weekend and my girlfriend and I had the house to ourselves. It was like the parents were away! We smoked in the house and drank and left lights on and didn't do dishes. It was really relaxing.

On Saturday we went hiking with my brother to Quarry Rock, that was fun. Then we had family dinner, which was interesting to say the least. Imagine a 69 year old man, 5 feet tall, no front top teeth, a pot belly the size of an over inflated basketball and give him lung cancer and you have Uncle Bob. However, I would like to point out that I am in NO WAY actually related to this creature. He insists that I call him "uncle bob" however he is merely my brother's uncle. NOT MINE. We have different dads. Bob is NOT my uncle. So we ate and left.

Then Sunday was a good time. Jackie's roommate was hosting a potluck "orphan" thanksgiving, for people who did not have families that were having a turkey dinner. We made the BEST cranberry sauce. Well.... I can't say 'we'. It was Donna who made it. It involved cranberries (duh!), mango and strawberries. It was the best thing that has ever come in my mouth. I know that sounds dirty, but you would understand if you ate it. Anyways, dinner was great.

I have a theory that red wine makes me crazy because I happen to say such things as:

"Leocardo DiCaprio has a constant yeast infection!"
"I am going to smear this cranberry sauce on my bare ass."
"Jesus sodomizes sheep. I know, I saw it on youtube."

Aside from all the yummies, the thing that made this thanksgiving so great is my girlfriend, and how happy she makes me, and how great we are together. For that I am truly thankful.

(would anyone like some cheese?)

omfg.

2006-10-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Dear John Mayer,

You make me want to be violently ill. When I look at your fugtarded face I want to rip out my own eyes and shove them in my own asshole because staring into the depths of my own colon is better than looking at your anemic droopy eye'd face from hell.

At what point was it that you got so goddamn ugly?

and what is with that way that you sing!? It's like your face knows how fucking horrid looking it is and it's trying to will itself to die, or perhaps escape from the disgusting creature it's attached to.

May I also add that your songs are stupid and make you look like the biggest pussy on the entire planet. Richard Simmons is more hardcore than you and the only dance partner he can get is 600+ Lbs!

"Fathers, be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers. So mothers, be good to your daughters too."

Right. Let's be good to our DAUGHTERS because one day they will be someone's LOVER.

You placed father, daughter, mother, and lover all into one paragraph.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? Never, in ANY circumstance refer to ANYONE'S daughter as a lover. You sick fuck.

"On behalf of every man. Looking out for every girl. You are the god and the weight of her world."

Of HER world?! do you have a vagina?! Do NOT talk on behalf of the female gender, okay, you stupid bastard. Men are not the weight of our worlds. Deflate your ego for a second there pal. Perhaps in some cases, yes. But not all! and GOD?! you are referring to men as GODS?! Are you crazyyyyy!?! I want to kill you.

"One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue..."

Bubblegum tongue? seriously? Bubblegum is something you CHEW on. Repeatedly. For hours. Nuff said.

Go fuck yourself John Mayer. I hope Jessica Simpson gives you the most horrid incurable case of gential herpes ever known to MAN.

Octo this!

2006-10-04T15:21:00.000-07:00

:§

^ That my friends is an octopus. Do you love it? Check this out:

"An octopus called Frieda at the Munich zoo has joined a small and elite but growing number of mollusks that have learned to open jar lids with their tentacles.

The four-month-old female treats visitors of the Hellabrunn Zoo to daily displays of her dexterity and has even learned to discern between empty jars and those containing her favourite snacks of wriggling shrimp, crabs and clams.

Like others of her undulating species that have mastered the feat, Frieda positions her entire body over the lid of a wide-mouthed jar and grasps the sides with the suckers on her 80-centimetre-long tentacles. Then with a mighty full-body twist, she wrenches the lid off. The results are obvious, as the lid wafts its way to the sandy bottom of her aquarium and Frieda contentedly slurps up the goodies from the open jar. "

#1 - how exactly DOES an octopi "slurp" ?

#2- I suggest you think twice before chowing down on that octopi treat you've ordered at your local sushi bar.

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

2006-09-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning in a very good mood. Aside from the fact that I have no money; I literally got paid a few hours ago, and my house has been taken over by fleas ... I am rather chipper.

I think the fleas are starting to get to me. Fear is contagious, and Adi has been so freaky about the fleas it's beginning to make me slightly anxious about it too. She will literally scream at the cats, "NO! YOU DO NOT HAVE FLEAS!!" which I guess is some sort of new flea treatment, I haven't heard of it but it must not be working well because she keeps doing it, and we still have fleas. Anyways, the fleas have no interest in me. I have not experienced one flea bite. Meanwhile, back at the ranch my cat is parading around with an entire flea civilization on his back. He has A LOT of fleas. Adi flea combed him and got 50+ fleas off him. hmmm....

*Note to self: buy flea medication for Felix today*

Anyways, my point is that I read an article in the paper about this woman and her family who were plagued by bedbugs to the point they had to move out of their house! and they had an exterminator come 5 times! Now I am filled with this intense fear that until we move the fleas will be tenants. I dont know why I'm worried about it, since the fleas don't seem to like me, or maybe they do that's why they leave me alone. I have become their friend. Sorry friends, you really should be paying some fucking rent. However, the woman in the article did look like white trash and lived in Surrey so I like to think that's why she was unable to get rid of the bedbugs.

.... because she's from Surrey. and she's dirty. and trashy. had bad hair. and probably illiterate.

.... these are all good, deserving reasons to be infested with bedbugs.

You know how in the "olden" days or whatever they had those folk tales to keep kids from running off into the woods (ie - there's a scary witch that eats children!) and getting lost or eaten by a bear?

Well, I am going to tell my kids that if they:

-grow a mullet
-have blond hair with brown roots
-wear acid washed jeans
-get pregnant before 25
-never learn to spell properly
-say things like "alls" "y'all" "aint"
-don't know the difference between 'there','they're' and 'their' or 'you're' and 'your'
-use double negatives
-have tailgate parties
-go cow tipping
-live in port moody, delta, poco (sorry babe!), maple ridge, surrey, langley, aldergrove, cloverdale, abbotsford, coquitlam, or any suburb of vancouver

...then they will be horribly infested with unmitigated bedbugs for the REST of their lives and it will forever plague them until they die, and even after they die the bedbugs will feast, in delight, on their rotting corpse.

I am going to be SUCH a good mom.

SUCK MY BLOG!

2006-09-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Dear DVD,

That's it. It's over. Our relationship is DEAD!! I tried, and I held out for so long. I wanted it to work, so badly. I stuck by you through that weird Ben Affleck phase and when you were into sci-fi thrillers, but I just can't pretend anymore.

You just don't do it for me. Shitty movie after shitty movie has made me withdraw, I've isolated myself from you. But, for some reason when I'm bored on a weekend you always seem to come into my head. You shouldn't be an option to me! I know that! I can go out, and find something more deserving of my time. It's just so easy to pick you up and bring you back to my place and get comfy on the couch together.

I know times are hard right now, maybe I should just accept you for who you are and maybe I should just wait for the film fest, maybe you'll actually make me laugh! But no more maybes!! I always feel stupider after spending 1.5 hours with you. I deserve better! I expect more from us and I deserve more from us. I always regret bringing you into my home, and I tend to forget that. That's it, you've disappointed me for the last time. It's over. Take your things and leave.

Signed,
Angie (former movie watcher)

Ps- I am SO not paying your late fees. you fucking suck.